Day: March 29, 2012

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Sharktopus’

This year’s round of March Morts nearly killed me. I mean, seriously, I’ve been made privy to some incredibly bad movies. That’s why closing out the month with this film is actually a bit of a surprise as it’s actually enjoyable. Oh Sharktopus, we need you more often in our life.

If the concept of a movie about a shark-octopus hybrid doesn’t make you smile, then may I respectfully suggest you get your head examined. Sharktopus is the stuff of B-movie heaven, this despite it originating as a SyFy channel product. GASP! It helps that yes, I have taken a look at it at an earlier time, but this look will be a little more in-depth. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Sharktopus’

Nature is terrifying, y’all

If Land of the Lost taught us anything, it’s that we should be grateful for living in a world where we don’t have to rely on larger dinosaurs to counterattack the pterodactyls that are trying to kill us.

… Or do we?

Robert Briggs claims he was minding his business, spying on a mother bear and her cubs, when a mountain lion ambushed him from behind. The big cat grabbed him by the backpack (presumably aiming for his head), and attempted to maul Briggs as he attacked back with a rock pick. The mother bear swatted the lion off and then fought it until the bushwhacker ran away.

While the rest of the story is unclear — despite what the rest of the story in the link says — we are confident that Briggs married his heroine and raised her cubs as his own.

Nature continues with super pisces

Last year, I gave a quick glance at a movie called “Frankenfish.” It’s a fun little film but completely fictional. Little did I know that it would actually be a near-documentary.

About 10, maybe 15 years ago, I can remember hearing about snakeheads, an invasive predator that somehow made it into the DC-Maryland area ecosystem. Times have not changed the situation except for the worse. They’re now being found in Pennsylvania and Delaware. Nicknamed as frankenfish, seemingly because of their near patchwork make-up and their willingness to throw a young girl into a lake at a moment’s notice, these little monsters are on the loose … again.

  • They’re strong survivors
  • They’re resilient, ruthless and murderous
  • They have no fear of humans
  • They can adapt

It’s clear that we need to eradicate them. Who’s to say that after they’ve wiped out entire ecosystems, they don’t adapt and evolve legs? It’s a perfectly reasonable assumption to make. The best plan is to blow them all out of the water. If other animals get caught in that crossfire, more’s the better.

Billiards: Playing with your life

It’s Thursday, you may have plans for happy hour, and as part of those happy hour plans you might go to a bar, and in that bar there might be a pool table, so you might be tempted to play pool. The Guys are here to tell you: that’s a bad idea.

Pool is known around the world as one of the most dangerous games ever, and one English man can back it up. A man slipped an accidentally cut his eye socket with a pool cue, he got stitched up and had no eye damage, but he couldn’t open his eye correctly for some reason. Weeks later, doctors figured out that he had the tip of the cue lodged in his brain. A team of surgeons were able to remove it, but they also remove part of his skull and then rebuild his nose and brow.

You’ve been warned.