Month: April 2012

The McBournie Minute: My war with cab drivers

It seems like a cliché by now, but I can’t stand cab drivers. I don’t care where they are from, their race, gender, or preferred language, and I don’t lump huge groups of people together, but really, cab drivers suck.

Sure, they get us home safely after a night out at the bars, or more importantly, get our drunk-ass friends off our hands so we can go back inside and continue drinking, but they can often be horrible drivers, we’re just too drunk to tell. When I talk about cab drivers, I mean those in the U.S., almost exclusively in urban areas, and certainly not the kind you rent for an evening. I’m talking about the guys honk to get your attention as you walk down the street–just in case you want a ride somewhere.

I haven’t been a fan of them in a long time, but recently one of them hit my parked car and drove off. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: My war with cab drivers

Heartaches and toothaches

The Guys are not ones to make sexist comments, or take one crazy person’s actions and apply them to a larger group. That’s why we’re here to say that women should not be messed with, because they can really screw you over.

A Polish man had a toothache but figured he had a hook-up, even though we’re pretty sure that that sort of thing is covered under their socialized health care. His ex-girlfriend is a dentist, so he asked her to take a look. When he woke up, he found that his bitter ex had pulled out all of his teeth. On top of that, his current girlfriend then dumped him because he was toothless.

The Guys in Moms

Mother’s Day is coming up, so The Guys thought we’d dedicate an entry to the ongoing concerns of moms in our sensitively-titled series: The Guys in Moms.

If you’ve been wanting to stick a pacifier in your infant, but have been told not as this could discourage your infant from breastfeeding, researchers have good news: pacifier-use may not contribute to nipple confusion. Despite curbing pacifier use in neonatal facilities, nursing went down when compared to numbers during the freewheeling pacifier days. However, cutting oral fixations out of your baby’s diet also does not curb their smoking.

And, for moms of teenagers: some other mom has assembled a handy list of things for your teen to drink. Print a copy and post it on the fridge to keep your kids from dipping into your personal beer supply.

I think something might be lost in translation

Keeling Pilaro was a high-school boy playing field hockey on an all-girls team. That is no longer a reality.

“They told me I wasn’t allowed to play because I had advanced skills that I learned in Ireland,” Keeling told CBS 2′s Jennifer McLogan.
Mona Rivera of 1010 WINS also talked to Pilaro, who told her, “They told me because I have an adverse effect…and…but they didn’t even explain what the adverse effect was, so that’s what I’m kind of confused about.”

That’s a very kind way of saying you can’t play on this team because of your penis. Which may have an adverse effect on the girls.

You Missed It: One love edition

Today is one of the most important holidays of the year. It’s Arbor Day. In case you’re wondering, it’s considered rude to get a tree a card, because it’s made out of the tree’s family members. I’ve never really understood the importance of Arbor Day, but what really confuses me is why no one just calls it Tree Day. If you were busy escaping inept guards in China this week, odds are you missed it.

Every lama needs a lady
In an interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan, the Dalai Lama spoke about all sorts of different topics, including politicians and pop culture. Mr. Lama even spoke about temptation from ladies, sexy, sexy ladies. “Sometimes (I) see people (and think) oh, this is very nice.” So be sure to pick up his new book, “Very Nice People: How To Make Love Like the Tibetan Head of State.”

Supercuts must have raised their rates
It’s no secret that Octomom Nadya Suleman is finding it tough to support her estimated three dozen children. She’s receiving money from the state of California, but according to her hairdresser, not all of it is going to the kids. Reportedly she spent $520 on hair care recently. Money well spent, because it gets her away from the children and out of the shoe she calls home.

A date with destiny
Michael Jordan has scored himself yet another NBA record, but it’s probably one he wishes he didn’t have. His team, the Charlotte Bobcats, have the honor being the worst team in NBA history. With a loss last night, their 7-59 record gives them the worst winning percentage the league has ever seen. Will Jordan ever stop innovating and changing the game?

Hollandazed and confused no longer

Hey, pot smokers. While we appreciate your readership over the years (assuming you arrived here by mistakenly typing “Seriously guys, can I overdose on weed?” in your Google search), it appears that the Dutch have had enough of your s@%t.

A judge has upheld a proposed government ban on selling marijuana to non-Dutch citizens in their world-famous coffee bars. The government is hoping to clean up their reputation for catering to “drug tourists,” believing that this could bring back the kind of nice, clean-cut tourists that visit for Amsterdam’s Red Light District.

On the plus side, this should reduce the decibels of stoned conversation in the Van Gogh museum.

Just wait until they get to The Butter Battle Book

In a British Columbia town in Canada, Yertle rhymes with turtle, and along with that, rhymes with “banned messages that can no longer be taught to first grade and highly impressionable children” and “proletariat inspiration for the working class educators.”

So, Theodor Geisel’s got that going for his legacy.

Moonwalking with death

It’s an Old West movie cliché: One cowboy making another dance as he shoots at the others’ feet. It may not be as fictional as we think–at least in Idaho.

It was there that a man named John Ernest Cross is accused by authorities of making a man moonwalk at gunpoint. We don’t have to tell you that that is a crime punishable by death. Some say it was an AR-15 that he pointed at his friend, others say it was an air gun. Only a jury can decide. Luckily, we have the local newspaper to give us context:

Late singer Michael Jackson popularized the moonwalk dance move, although a slew of other entertainers — from Cab Calloway and Ronnie Hawkins to David Bowie and Dick Van Dyke — have been credited for using a variation of the move.