Day: April 6, 2012

You Missed It: Eye phone edition

Good Friday is here once again, or as our Jewish friends call it, “Friday.” It’s funny how it always seems to fall on a Friday, isn’t it? For Catholics, it means one last day of not eating meat (except for fish, because God doesn’t consider them animals, thus their flesh can’t be meat). A lot of people wonder what eggs and bunnies have to do with Jesus rising from the grave, I just wonder what his favorite jelly bean flavor was. If you were busy watching a ship sink in 3-D, odds are you missed it.

Visions of Google
This week, Google gave the world a tease of what it thinks will be the next big thing: glasses that give you all the information you currently get through your smartphone. They are reportedly years away from being released to the market, but a camera, GPS and 3G or 4G will reportedly be part of the final product. Information is supposed to pop up on the lenses, and work a lot like how your phone does, but hands-free. That’s great, but before I buy it I think I’ll wait until they release the See Through Women’s Clothes app.

Hey girl, watch out for that speeding cab
Ryan Gosling can do no wrong these days. Aside from sexiness levels approaching those generally reserved for The Guys, he’s popular with the ladies, and since he’s not making crappy movies based on Nicolas Sparks books anymore, his stock with manly men has gone up. Gosling saved a British woman from being hit by a car in New York this week. He then flew off into the sunset.

White-ish gold
American men, take pride in yourselves, you represent the recovery of the U.S. economy more than you think. The U.S. is the leading exporter of sperm. Our elixir is so sought after around the world because we have such high standards and screening for candidates. Plus, we’re a whole bunch of different races, so ethnic preferences can be met every time. It’s our best renewable resource. On top of that it’s clear than when it comes to beatin’ it, American men are superior.

U.S. Coast Guard declares war on g-g-ghost pirates

After a long letter-writing campaign by The Guys, it appears the U.S. Coast Guard — or should we say Ghost Guard — is finally taking the ghost pirate menace on our shores seriously.

Our boys in orange sank a Japanese ghost ship, the Ryou-Un Mara or Maru (nobody wanted to get close enough to confirm), off the coast of Alaska after confirming the worst: no living souls aboard. It was determined the most prudent action after a Canadian fishing boat accepted a dare to salvage the ship, but then chickened out, saying, “Like, let’s get out of here, eh?”

The Guys have long maintained that ghosts most often enter our country illegally through our many miles of unguarded coastline and porous borders. By finally putting more boots on the ground and in boats, we can protect our domestic ghost — and ghostbusting — jobs from apparitions willing to haunt abandoned theme parks and manors for less pay.

Another reason to properly label things

I’ll readily admit that I’m anal retentive when it comes to organization and labeling. You probably wouldn’t know it if you came by my place as it is kind of slobby, but I have a system! There’s a place for everything and everything has its place. You wouldn’t believe how organized my phone’s address book is, I’ve got sub-folders for chronological organization for my bills in accordion folders and there is no randomization for my dvd collection whatsoever.

Obviously, that’s not so much the case for Father Martin McVeigh of Ireland, who accidentally showed hardcore gay porn to parents at a presentation after plugging a USB stick into a port. Stupid new-fangled technology.

I want to know how long it’ll take the Westboro Baptist Church to make it out there and protest the man. Or would they already be doing that since he’s Catholic?

Infiltrating our animal enemy

In the future, machines will become self-aware and rise up against us. They will then create human-like robots to infiltrate our holdouts and kill us. It hasn’t happened yet, so why not borrow the strategy from The Terminator for the War on Animals?

Researchers at University of California, Davis have built a robotic squirrel whose tail can heat up when it sees a snake, which is apparently real squirrels do. They have tested it out, and it seems that rattlesnakes are completely fooled by the robosquirrel. It’s only a matter of time before we arm that thing and turn it loose.