More loose cannon kids on the beat

Suggested listening while reading:
[dewplayer:http://seriouslyguys.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Starsky-And-Hutch.mp3]

Wuitschick! And you, Undercover Kindergartener! In our office! Shut the door behind you!

Wuitschick, are we to understand that you temporally took the wheel of a bus when you are clearly 13-years-old and don’t even have a learner’s permit!? You might have some pull with the deputy schools superintendent, the chief of police and the Los Angeles Times, but if we catch you even smelling a gas pedal, we’ll bust you back to crossing guard so fast that you’ll think Dennis Hopper rigged the order to explode. We don’t care if the driver was having a heart attack!

And you, Undercover Kindergartner! We’ve got the D.A. and Internal Affairs snooping around to see if you planted evidence on your stepdad. Heroin at show-and-tell? That’s the oldest trick in the book. You’re getting sloppy, U.K., and one of these days, you’re gonna screw up so bad that there won’t be enough butterflies to counteract the s@#tstorm that will come of it!

(It’s the butterfly theory. You see, every major storm system begins with the fla — you know what? Ask your teacher. That is if you haven’t busted her in a student sex sting.)

Maybe it was a mistake for The Guys to create a police force consisting entirely of children. God knows we don’t get much sleep thinking about what you reckless loose cannons have been doing out there, masquerading as justice. But, dammit … we can’t argue with your results. Get back out there, and if you see Johnson and Cotton, send them in.

Published by

Rick Snee

Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of "moron," some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and -- on one occasion -- a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven't heard of it). Really, he's just one of The Guys, y'know?

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