The McBournie Minute: Through the nose

Wedding season is here, and with it, the crazy brides-to-be doing crazy things and generally making everyone else crazy with them in the process. I don’t want to overstate my position here, but weddings have the ability to take a rational adult female and turn her into the type of person that will cry if you don’t understand how important bread selection is for the reception.

We live in an enlightened society with empowered women, but that doesn’t stop most of them from wanting to have a princess wedding, and in order to get that, everything has to be perfect. That includes how they themselves look. Sure, searching for the right wedding dress seems overly complicated in the eyes of the average dude, but getting just the right fit is important to women.

Losing weight can be a huge deal, and brides-to-be are willing to try some crazy things to lose weight. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Through the nose

Zombies won’t see us coming … or will they?

It’s taken a few years to gain steam, but the zombie preparedness movement is finally in full swing.

One enterprising gun enthusiast has been selling specialty zombie targets and ammunition for practice. The paper targets can be equipped with squibs that will either run or squirt blood when shot. His biggest sellers? Your run of the mill teen girl, “Becky,” who was probably zombified mid-texting, and “Zombiladin,” who has already faced down Navy Seals, steel-jawed dogs, crabs and swimmer’s ear to retake Manhattan.

An the Philippines has embraced the zombie run, in which participants run a 5K fraught with zombies who crave flags. One zombie participant lures in runners by dancing to “Thriller,” training future survivalists to resist to draw of zombie flash mobs.

But, aren’t we really training future zombies? After all, with the exception of Bin Ladin, it’s not like zombies just appear out of nowhere. They’re your friends and neighbors, which is what makes them truly terrifying. If you really want to prepare for the Zombipocalypse, take notes on the living. If they don’t bring back your hedge trimmer, then you know your brains are next.

Problem stuffed back into its shell

Last year, Giant African snails invaded the area where we all wish we could take our talents, Miami.

Within four months, our brave soldiers were able to create a stop-gap that captured over 37,000 of the invaders.

Perhaps you don’t think this was that big of a problem. Allow me to illustrate the severity of this issue with one more factoid: Now, half a year later, our battle has yielded more than 40,000 of their shell-bound warriors. That’s approximately four times the (marketed) size of the student body when I attended college (my freshman year). To put it into perspective, that’s potentially the amount of people that were taken over by the body snatchers in the Donald Sutherland version!

Except, Giant African snails are molluscs, not plant-pod-aliens. And they don’t swap places with people (that we know of). Despite that, it would totally have been the same thing, believe you me.

The enemy is listening

We’ve got some bad news, news so bad it makes us wonder if we can really win the War on Animals.

It turns out that the animals may be tracking this very site, deciphering our attempts to keep you up to date in this more perilous of wars. French researchers have discovered that baboons can read. The are able to identify words, but don’t actually know what the words mean.

At least that’s what they want us to think.