Day: April 27, 2012

You Missed It: One love edition

Today is one of the most important holidays of the year. It’s Arbor Day. In case you’re wondering, it’s considered rude to get a tree a card, because it’s made out of the tree’s family members. I’ve never really understood the importance of Arbor Day, but what really confuses me is why no one just calls it Tree Day. If you were busy escaping inept guards in China this week, odds are you missed it.

Every lama needs a lady
In an interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan, the Dalai Lama spoke about all sorts of different topics, including politicians and pop culture. Mr. Lama even spoke about temptation from ladies, sexy, sexy ladies. “Sometimes (I) see people (and think) oh, this is very nice.” So be sure to pick up his new book, “Very Nice People: How To Make Love Like the Tibetan Head of State.”

Supercuts must have raised their rates
It’s no secret that Octomom Nadya Suleman is finding it tough to support her estimated three dozen children. She’s receiving money from the state of California, but according to her hairdresser, not all of it is going to the kids. Reportedly she spent $520 on hair care recently. Money well spent, because it gets her away from the children and out of the shoe she calls home.

A date with destiny
Michael Jordan has scored himself yet another NBA record, but it’s probably one he wishes he didn’t have. His team, the Charlotte Bobcats, have the honor being the worst team in NBA history. With a loss last night, their 7-59 record gives them the worst winning percentage the league has ever seen. Will Jordan ever stop innovating and changing the game?

Hollandazed and confused no longer

Hey, pot smokers. While we appreciate your readership over the years (assuming you arrived here by mistakenly typing “Seriously guys, can I overdose on weed?” in your Google search), it appears that the Dutch have had enough of your s@%t.

A judge has upheld a proposed government ban on selling marijuana to non-Dutch citizens in their world-famous coffee bars. The government is hoping to clean up their reputation for catering to “drug tourists,” believing that this could bring back the kind of nice, clean-cut tourists that visit for Amsterdam’s Red Light District.

On the plus side, this should reduce the decibels of stoned conversation in the Van Gogh museum.

Just wait until they get to The Butter Battle Book

In a British Columbia town in Canada, Yertle rhymes with turtle, and along with that, rhymes with “banned messages that can no longer be taught to first grade and highly impressionable children” and “proletariat inspiration for the working class educators.”

So, Theodor Geisel’s got that going for his legacy.

Moonwalking with death

It’s an Old West movie cliché: One cowboy making another dance as he shoots at the others’ feet. It may not be as fictional as we think–at least in Idaho.

It was there that a man named John Ernest Cross is accused by authorities of making a man moonwalk at gunpoint. We don’t have to tell you that that is a crime punishable by death. Some say it was an AR-15 that he pointed at his friend, others say it was an air gun. Only a jury can decide. Luckily, we have the local newspaper to give us context:

Late singer Michael Jackson popularized the moonwalk dance move, although a slew of other entertainers — from Cab Calloway and Ronnie Hawkins to David Bowie and Dick Van Dyke — have been credited for using a variation of the move.