Laser beams don’t kill people. Sharks kill people.

The henchmen said it couldn’t be done, but they were wrong. Science has finally perfected the shark with a frickin’ laser beam.

Marine biologist and Shark Week regular, Luke Tipple, figured out where Evil Industries had repeatedly gone wrong. Instead of attaching the laser to the head, he hooked it up to the dorsal fin. Tipple says he did it to test his new non-evasive underwater clip, which makes sense if you’re looking to upgrade sharks with lasers to sharks with bazookas or hammerheads with actual hammers on their heads.

Tipple says that the laser is harmless. You know, like how a laser sight doesn’t kill on sniper rifles. Perfectly safe.

Published by

Rick Snee

Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of “moron,” some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and — on one occasion — a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven’t heard of it). Really, he’s just one of The Guys, y’know?

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