MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Avengers’

Like any right-thinking nerd with no childcare or other scheduling conflicts, I made sure to see The Avengers during the opening weekend. As a longtime Avengers fan, I couldn’t resist jumping into the fray. This was a smart decision on my part.

Too often, a superhero film is an exercise in missing the point. This can have as much to do with a failure in basic, dramatic execution as it does with the oft-challenging prospect of translating gaudy costumes, monstrous forms and wildly diverse powers from printed page (and fan imagination) to the big screen. Luckily, Joss Whedon (who is very hit or miss with me) gets it. The Avengers not only stands out as one of the best efforts in the modern era of “super” movies, it also represents the most complete manifestation of the superhero team aesthetic yet seen on film. Best of all, I managed to make this review near as spoiler-free as possible. Go me! Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Avengers’

It’s like Baby Beluga, minus the Beluga and plus the consumption

The Atkins Diet? Bah. Phen-phen? Phooey. South Beach Diet? Balderdash. Super XXL Vito-Blast? Yeah right (and furthermore, why oh why, Alex, does someone need 300 percent of their daily riboflavin intake?). Anything hocked by Anna Nicole Smith or that random blonde chick that loses her jeans in the commercial? No.

Why bother with any of those time-tested and failed excuses for dieting when the true solution has been found? Not only is it natural, but it fulfills the fetish that white people have for products originating from the east, this miracle pill coming from China and South Korea. Are you ready for it?

It’s powdered human flesh capsules, primarily originating from fetuses and babies.

Oh, you can go. I’ll let you run off and retch now.

Dictator on ice

Former and current Russian President Vladimir Putin is beloved by all of the citizens he leads, it’s a well-known fact. But even though he is incredibly popular, he still wants people to see that he is human, and a masculine one at that.

So he took to the ice to show off his mad hockey skills in a game pitting his amateur team against the “Legends of Russia,” which is not a Soviet hair band. The game ended up being decided in a shoot-out, and guess who got the first goal to flagrant Sacha Baron Cohen would be proud? You guessed it, Uncle Vlad.