You Missed It: The investment network edition

Washington, D.C. has baseball fever. Well, maybe not that much, but they have a team that’s actually winning for a change, so that can be fun to watch. Only problem is they keep finding new ways to injure themselves. Their catcher tore his ACL going for a fly ball, their rookie phenom hit his bat against a wall in frustration, which bounced back and hit him in the face, and this week star pitcher Stephen Strasburg had to be pulled early because some Bengay-like stuff got into his jock strap. That’s gotta hurt. If you were busy cancelling your summer tour this week. Odds are you missed it.

Facebook Inc.
Facebook went public this week, with one of the largest IPOs the world has ever seen. However, the stock got off to a slow start on Friday, trading at about the same price as the IPO, when usually new stocks aim for 10 to 15%. In other important Facebook news, Becky, your friend from college, said that she is “super excited for the weekeeeeeeeend,” in a status update.

It’s becoming self-aware
This week, Google announced that it was making changes to its search engine and how it returns results. The company said that the changes make it think more like a human. Coincidentally, Nick Stahl, who played John Conner in Terminator 3, has gone missing. This is a bad sign.

If no one says “You sunk my battleship,” I want my money back
Battleship is out this weekend, it’s got explosions, aliens, more explosions and Liam Neeson. The movie clearly drew inspiration from the iconic game, in that there are ships. Liam f&$%ing Neeson stars in another movie where something clearly impossible happens, and someone underestimates how effective he can be when he’s mad. Man, how many times are they going to remake Michael Collins?

Cops use super-effective moves on thieves

At a Walmart in Massachusetts, staff apparently saw three men shoplift packs of Pokémon cards and exit the store. Police searched one of the suspects’ vehicle and discovered a large stash of Pokémon cards worth 442 dollars.

Those are the facts. Here are more facts: the three men—David Danforth, James J. Davis, and Sean H. Nadeau—were arrested and now face charges of conspiracy and larceny. All are at least 18 years of age.

Okay. I’ve not bought a pack of trading cards since I was 9, maybe 10, and they were, at most, around 4 dollars a pack. I can only assume that since 18 years have passed, the prices of trading card packs have gone up. Nonetheless, how does someone steal that many packs of cards and who are they selling it to? Also, if they’re in Walmart, couldn’t they shoplift something of a higher resale value?

What’s in a name?

Names can be kind of funny sometimes, but it’s rude to make fun of someone for the handle that their parents assigned them. Except if it’s really funny.

France’s new prime minister, Jean-Marc Ayrault, is making the Arab world snicker, because his last name is sounds very close to a Lebanese and Palestinian slang word for “penis.” It’s led broadcasters to make great efforts to pronounce the last two letters of his name in a non-French way so it doesn’t sound so funny.

Meanwhile, somewhere there has to be a world leader with the last name “Dong.”