The McBournie Minute: Summer safety tips

The unofficial start of summer is nearly here. Can you smell it? To be fair it smells like pollen, but that’s a problem we’ll take care of once we’ve eliminated the animal threat. Speaking of animals, the warmer weather means that you are more likely to encounter one of them during your day. (Unless you’re a recluse.)

It’s important to get outside and enjoy the summer, when it arrives, while still watching out for the dangers presented by our animal foes. We want you to be safe, not just because we value human life, but we also need your continued readership. And the best way to stay safe is to be prepared when things go bad.

So I’ve compiled a quick list of ways to stay safe from animals this summer. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Summer safety tips

Raccoons still the hobos of the animal kingdom

Beggars. Rabid. Thieves. Constantly hungry. Perpetually drunk. Descriptions like those are most often the characteristics of hobos … or their animal kingdom equivalents, the raccoon. Especially the ones of Houston, Texas.

Score upon score of the bandit creatures have invaded a neighborhood in Houston, taking residence behind convenience stores. Like the gypsy, they’ve taken up doing tricks for treats. As many as five dozen can be found behind the Stop and Save, begging for food.

Do not enable them. They’re animals that are well-known for being monstrously evil and contagion carriers. Not only that, but they’re our enemies. We should be starving them out, not feeding their forces.

Celebrate with some high fives

America, sleep soundly tonight, the world record for fist-pumping is yours.

James Peterson, from Green, Ohio super-glued his hand into a fist as he attempted to beat the world record of 15 hours. He beat the record by an hour, pumping his fists to music at a pub until 3 a.m. He’s out of a job at the moment, so decided to spend some time doing something useful, like making sure Lady Liberty (no slouch in fist-pumping, herself) can hold her head high.

The country thanks you, Peterson.