It’s hot. There, it’s been acknowledged. It’s over 100 here in the Washington, D.C. area, and considering how much of the country is on fire or in a drought, it’s probably hot where you are, too. It gets hot and suddenly that’s all that people talk about. Yes, I punch people who say “Hot enough for ya?” If you were busy announcing your divorce from Tom Cruise, odds are you missed it.
Easy on immigration, tough on aliens
A recent National Geographic poll found that American believe that Obama would be better able to deal with an extraterrestrial invasion than Republican candidate Mitt Romney. Analysts say this is a clear sign that the Obama campaign’s message is resounding strongly with the tinfoil-hat crowd, previously the domain of Ron Paul. However, they are all wrong. Bill Pullman would be the best president to handle such an invasion. This fall, remember his campaign slogan: “I saw its thoughts. I saw what they’re planning to do. They’re like locusts. They’re moving from planet to planet … their whole civilization. After they’ve consumed every natural resource they move on … and we’re next. Nuke ’em. Let’s nuke the bastards.”
Will anyone move to Canada?
On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that the Affordable Care Act, or “Obamacare,” if you listen to talk radio, is constitutional. But because of the confusing format of the written decision, both CNN and Fox News initially reported the opposite. President Barack Obama initially got the incorrect message that it was struck down, and was sad for a few minutes. Sad Obama needs to be the next Internet meme.
Pot: More dangerous than we thought
The autopsy of Rudy Eugene, the man who chewed off the face of another man in Miami, found that he had only marijuana in his system, not bath salts, as some first thought. That makes sense. How many times in college did you rock the ganja so hard you got naked and ate someone’s face?