Day: June 11, 2012

The McBournie Minute: Some golf better in the nude

No one really likes playing golf. Sure, they enjoy the nice weather, the socialization and probably some of the exercise, but golf is actually a game of love. It’s not the healthy, stable, mature kind of love. It’s the kind that you had once when you had the hots for a girl and she wouldn’t even look your way no matter what you did, so one day you decided you hated her, and decided to ignore her forever. Then she waves and smiles at you a couple hours later, and you’re right back into it, trying desperately to get that old feeling again. That’s golf. You walk around for hours cursing yourself and the pagan Gods of Golf, then you hit a good shot, and it hooks you in once more.

But throughout history, golf has been known primarily as a game that’s done purely to get away from wives for a few hours. It’s not fun for many men, so they drink, smoke and wear clothes that would get them laughed out of any other public establishment just to make it more interesting.

Recently in Atlanta, some golfers took their efforts to new level.
Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Some golf better in the nude

The British just drink better than us

The British are famous for their drinking prowess, having drained Germany dry of beer during the 2006 World Cup. (They only, however, placed 7th in actual soccer-playing that year.)

So, how do you become a champion of boozing on the world stage? The same way the Chinese do in gymnastics: by training from an early age. And Britain’s future looks bright, indeed, after eight-year-old Nancy Cameron outlasted her father, U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron, at the pub on Sunday.

Eight years old, people. Fortunately, The Guys have launched an early child development product for U.S. moms: Baby Merlot — because you can learn to drink in the womb.

We know our enemy and it is multi-legged

Last week, we told you about the horrifying events transpiring in Sadiya, India. As if a SyFy channel horror movie came to life, an innocent town celebrating a festival saw a swarm of monstrously aggressive spiders invade their residence. People died and the culprit had yet to be determined.

Things have progressed since then.

An elite team of scientists have managed to capture one of the unknown arachnids. While under their constant surveillance, the spider has identified as a tarantula. Or at least, it’s similar to a tarantula. The uniqueness of the venom and their behavior tendencies are throwing off some of the signs.

Whatever the beast is, godspeed to you brave biology nerds. May your determined endeavors uncover a cure in the form of a beautiful plague that can be used on these abominations.

More news on our robot allies

In the War on Animals, we may have to rely on non-human sources to help us win. We mean robots, at which, technically, we are also at war. A rising trend is to build robots that mimic the beasts themselves, then we gain their trust, learn their secrets, and destroy them from the inside.

We’ve tested it successfully on squirrels, now science has taken us underwater. Researchers from the  Polytechnic Institute of New York University and Instituto Superiore di Sanitá in Italy have teams up to create a huge-ass fish robot. In seems clear that the scientists intended it to mock the fish’s intelligence by proving that they are so dumb they will accept a terribly painted robofish several times their size as one of their own.

Before long, the fish were following it around, probably accepting it as their new leader. Folks, we know how to beat them, let’s get to work.