Day: June 14, 2012

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Prometheus’

Warning: I’m going to try to be as spoiler-free as possible, with the exception of stuff seen in the trailers. Emphasis is on try, though. You have been warned.

Death for life is the greatest gift to be given. Life for death is the greatest sin that can be committed.

That’s the warning at the heart of Prometheus, a visual feast of a 3D sci-fi movie that has trouble combining its high-minded notions about the origins of the species and its obligation to deliver oozy gross-out moments. Ridley Scott’s latest venture into science fiction won’t become a genre benchmark like those classics despite its equivalent seriousness and ambition, but it does supply enough visual spectacle, tense action and sticky, slithery monster attacks to hit the spot with thrill-seeking audiences worldwide. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Prometheus’

Your body is a disgusting, yet healthy wonderland

We know that human beings contain more germs on a single finger than an entire dog’s mouth. At least, according to Schools, who open mouth kisses dogs all the time. (All the time.) But, until recently, we didn’t have a list of every pathogen humans carry … until now.

It turns out that the entire human body is a popular bacterial nightclub with over 100 trillion “good” strains dancing the night away (and getting freaky in a few bathroom using areas). And there are hundreds of trillions more lined up around every door knob, just waiting to get in. (Some of them, like HIV, pretend to be someone else to suckerpunch our bouncer cells.)

So, food for thought next time you’re around a hugger.

When I think of the Summer Olympics, I think of precipitation

Despite how insanely absurd this sounds, I swear to you, it’s not a joke.

The opening ceremony for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London will most definitely have a forecast of rain-and it’s not just expected, it’s purposely planned.

Danny Boyle, director of many incredibly somber but fantastic movies, has been put in charge of the opening ceremony. He plans to show off London in all her rain soaked glory. There is no other chance of that happening, not because it’s always raining in London (it almost always is), but because Boyle will have the clouds seeded beforehand to insure it. The thought is that by showing real rain, coupled with live farm animals, spectators there and the audience watching at home will be able to understand and see firsthand just what life is like in the British Isles.

This is a spectacularly dumb idea.

It’s raining, it’s pouring, nobody’s snoring but England will probably continue its streak of not winning a gold medal in anything that matters.

 

Spiders are manlier than you

Let’s not kid ourselves, the War on Animals is a fight to the death. And in such a fight it’s the one who wants it most who wins. Ladies and gentlemen, but mostly the gentlemen, we may not be able to win this one.

Why? Because spiders are willing to part with their penises to become better fighters, and we’re not.

Like the song by King Missle, male orb-web spiders have a detachable penis, that they gladly part with to fend-off attacked or their pregnant mates. Not only that, but spiders have two penises, or “palps.” First the male has to survive impregnating the female. If he’s lucky enough, he breaks off from the first palp. Because of this, he’s lighter and more agile, thus, he can outlast any male competitors coming to attack his woman. That, folks, is dedication. Frightening, frightening dedication.

As a palate cleanser, the SG house band will play us out.