Day: July 23, 2012

The McBournie Minute: Rise of the jellyrat

Attention young millionaires: You think you have it all, or at least have it ordered online for you. You’re wrong. There’s more out there for you to acquire. Science has created something that will surely outdo all of your other rich friends. Here’s a hint: it used to be a rat.

Still stumped, huh? Here’s another hint: it swims. Still nothing? OK, I’ll tell you. It’s a jellyfish made from the cells of a rat, and it’s exactly the kind of a pet you need. It’s technically not a jellyfish, it’s an artificial jellyfish, made from silicone and the muscle cells of a rat’s heart by researchers at Harvard University.

Yes, we’re now using animals to make other animals. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Rise of the jellyrat

Space smells like Bender’s shiny, metal ass

We know a couple of things about space. It’s black. It stiffles screams. But, what does it smell like?

NASA has hired scent chemist Steve “Hawknose” Pearce to recreate the smell of space via chemical analysis and astronaut’s recollections. (Whether the spacemen get that far-off look in their eyes as they recall moments of post-space walk undressing has little to no effect on the results.)

So far, we know that it smells metallic like welded electronics, sulfurous and a little bit like rum … so it’s Bender. And, Pearce previously worked out what the inside of the space station Mir smelled like: sweat, body odor and vodka thanks to Russian cosmonauts.

We look forward to both of these joining Yankee Candle’s baffling line of candles for men who secretly love candles, but want them to smell like leather and grass clippings.

Kids these days and their driver’s licenses

Kids. Teenagers. Adolescents. None of them had it as rough as we did when we were their age.

Oh sure, they may think the opposite. “Keep it coming, old man. You’re full of baloney. No, malarkey.” (This begs the question of just how annoying youngster hipsters have become if they’re using ages-old phrases, but I digress.) But it’s true! They don’t!

See, there is information (with charts! CHARTS! [and by plural charts, I mean one chart]) that now correlates this information: an ever-growing amount of American kids are refusing to get their driver’s license at the earliest age possible. This isn’t necessarily due to teenagers and young adults not passing their tests on the first go. It’s also because of other reasons: rising home income of parents, stricter regulations regarding obtaining a license and Callfield of Battleduty.

Note: one of those reasons may not actually be true.

Bears want to end your shopping spree

One of the cornerstones of American culture is commercialism, and the animals know this. That’s why they are trying to attack us when all we want to do is buy stuff. Most recently, it happened in Pittsburgh.

It was there that a mall was evacuated after a bear got into the lobby area, and refused to buy anything at all. The bear was eventually tranquilized and removed from the building. However, there’s a more dangerous question that no one seem to be asking: how did it get in there in the first place?

The only reasonable answer seems to be that someone let the bear in. That means that some shopper was walking in, saw the bear, and decided to hold the door open for it. There’s a traitor in our midst!