Day: July 31, 2012

Eat My Sports: Making noise by not making any

 

With today’s coming and going of the MLB trade deadline, I was facing the harsh reality that the Red Sox were going to let former ace Josh Beckett go in a trade. They were trying to see if someone would take Beckett’s albatross of a contract, and because no one is dumb enough to pay Beckett so much for so little, fried chicken and beer are staying in Boston at least one more year. But with the Sox not being sellers at the deadline, to me at least, it meant they were buyers. It meant management wasn’t giving up just yet, it meant we got … Craig Breslow?

Yup, a reliever from the Diamondbacks, that is our playoff push. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Making noise by not making any

How to be a bigot at home

With all of your friends picketing Chick-fil-A, it’s hard to take a bite out of gay marriage without broadcasting your bigotry. What’s a closeted homophobe to do? Thank goodness for Fox News, because now you can make America’s favorite godfearing chicken sandwich in the safety of your home.

Well, you can make your own Chick-fil-A … so long as you happen to have a canister of MSG lying around your kitchen:

“After a little of this and less of that, Serious Eats found the perfect combination that gets it close to that sweet-salty-savory-hot balance [of spices]: Salt, sugar, MSG, black pepper, cayenne, and paprika.”

And now we know why Mike Huckabee loves this s%@t so much.

Support Your Local World Conqueror

We at SG give more than our fair share of (deserved) flack towards Japan. But it’s okay. They’ve officially made up for it.

A group of Japanese hobbyists have made working mechs that can be piloted by humans. And they can be yours for the low, low price of 1.3 million dollars.

The way we look at it, we only need around 3 of them. That’s a scant 3.9 million dollars, but let’s make it an even 4. We know that you fabulous and sensational people can help us out with the fundraising for this. By doing so, we will make sure that every person who contributes will not be trampled upon in our glorious path for world domination.

Don’t hesitate. Do it. Do it now.

Alcohol increases your chances of getting some, it’s science

Are you an adult who wishes to bag a college student? Are you a college student who just really wants to get some strange? Science has come to the rescue, friends.

All you need to do is take some alcohol, preferably liquor, and then mix it with an energy drink or two. Then *BAM* instant sex with a college-aged person, according to researchers at University at Buffalo’s Research Institute on Addictions. (You gave the drinks to the intended hook-up, not yourself, right?)

According to scientists, whom this is apparently news to, alcohol can increase the chances of casual sex. Now that you have the proper formula, you have no more excuses.