Eat My Sports: No man is a fantasy island

This past Sunday marked the much coveted return of the NFL. And while yes, it was the Cardinals against the artists formerly known as the New Orleans Saints, it means we are four short weeks away from 17 weeks of good old fashioned fantasy football.

My fantasy shortcomings have been well documented in EMS over the years, but last year my time to shine came through as my team the Jacksonville Jackuars brought home the golden bottle of Jack (our league trophy) and ended my years of postseason futility. It was not without it’s hiccups though, as in order to be crowned champ, I had to defeat my wife. Continue reading Eat My Sports: No man is a fantasy island

Of course Detroit likes lemon water

The Guys will be honest with you: we don’t care much for Detroit. We’d say it’s not necessarily because of the town, but frankly, it’s totally because of the town. Detroit is a town that evokes the setting of Mad Max and The Road Warrior movies. It’s a war-torn country, despite being a town that’s never been in a battle.

And those were the goods day when the city had money! Now that’s it broke, it looks like a SyFy pictures version of The Road Warrior: emphasis on the car in carnage.

That’s why it only makes sense that when a youngster decided to help out his city’s financial problems by selling lemonade, the city would get right behind him and help him out. Why does it make sense?

Because only something sour and tart can survive in Detroit.

Your eyes look kinda gay, baby

Gay people: for years, we’ve known they walk among us. But, until recently, there was absolutely no way to tell who does what with whom until they’re doing it and we’re forced to explain whatever that is to our children.

Fortunately, science is leading the way with new testing technology to identify even the most closeted of homosexuals. In the past, responses to erotic pictures and video were measured by rubber bands around the penis or cameras up the vagina. But now, we don’t need doctors to smut up their labs. They can now watch your pupils dilate … as you watch erotica.

Of course, this new Voight-Kompff sexual identity test will only work until LGBT laboratories develop more lifelike homosexuals.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday at the Sheriff’s Office

Recently, a farmer in Vermont was charged with marijuana possession and resisting arrest. He made bail, but he wasn’t happy with his arresting officers at the Orleans County Sheriff’s Office.

Police say that’s why the farmer drove his tractor down to the station and drove it over five marked cars, one unmarked car and a transport van, all of which were unoccupied at the time. The cops didn’t know anything was wrong until a neighbor called 911 about the commotion. But by then, the farmer was back on the road.

“We had nothing to pursue him with,” said Chief Deputy Philip Brooks.

This HAS to be viral marketing for Super Troopers 2.

[via Meg M.]