Day: August 8, 2012

Ask Dr. Snee: Actively answering letters

Hello there, and welcome to another round of Ask Dr. Snee. I’m pretty busy right now, training this group of interns. But I figured that since this week’s topic is getting Americans more active, I could use your letters as a training opportunity.

Speaking of, you ever notice how these “exercise more” campaigns always coincide with the Summer Olympics? That’s America’s old Cold War fever setting in again. It’s not the same as when footraces were the world’s most obvious analogy for the arms race, but China’s kind of like that rebound nemesis every superpower needs after a break-up.

So, get set for some great exercising tips (dudes) and a stiff, awkward bed-side manner (ladies).  Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Actively answering letters

Meet the newest member of the Jesus family

Throughout the years, we’ve had more than our fair share of variations of Jesus Christ: Raptor Jesus, Piss Christ, Potato Chip Jesus, Black Jesus and so forth. Now, get ready to meet the newest version of God’s only begotten son.

We present to you: Taco Christo.

Taco Christo was found in a breakfast taco in Beeville, Texas. Taco Christo is made of a delicious hand made flour tortilla and his compatriots, bacon and egg, demonstrating what a real holy trinity is. Anna Rodriguez, director of the adult daycare where his bread-based lord and savior was found, says:

“We believe God works in mysterious ways.”

We don’t know about mysterious ways, but God clearly works in delicious ways.

Do not distribute unlicensed scumbags

There are a lot of reasons to watch the Olympics: witnessing the pinnacel of human athletic achievement, the pagentry of the opening ceremony and the inexplicable judging by the French and Russians. But, there’s one reason that the IOC has tried to keep under wraps this entire time: sex-crazed top form athletes!

Ever since the Barcelona games in 1992, Olympics organizers have distributed free condoms throughout the Olympic village because, when that many sets of abs rub together, a lubricated piece of latex is the only thing preventing a brush fire. And, so far? It’s worked. Most of the athletes have been able to return every four years without flashing herpes sores at Bob Costas.

But, let the London Games organizers assure you: unlicensed prophylactic distribution will not be tolerated, especially of some freaky Australian brand that may or may not be made of kangaroo pouches.

And it makes the house smell great

Hosting the Olympics has been making Britons rather mad. Why, it’s even making them set fire to their own flats (or “apartments,” as we say in American.)

There’s nothing worse than having socks and underwear that aren’t quite dry. And when you need to wear them, you want to wear them now. That’s why a man in Weymouth, England put two pairs of underwear and socks in his microwave and let that baby do the work.

The only thing is that it caught fire and had to be put out by firefighters. “Pants” on fire!