Scouts pelt foaming beaver

We know the Boys Scouts of America are aggressively anti-dick, having stripped at least one open homosexual of his Eagle Scout award and their ongoing policy to remove any gay scouts or leaders from their ranks. But, it’s OK because they’re anti-beaver, too.

A 51-year-old scout leader, Normand Brousseau, was minding his own business, swimming in the Delaware River when a frothy, foaming at the mouth beaver swam betwixt his legs and launched a surprise attack, possibly thinking he was packing wood. Brousseau grabbed the rabid beaver and threw it, but beaver was too quick and caught back up, attacking him until he could securely grab it, hold its mouth shut and throw it again, this time ashore.

And, at that point, it was on the Boy Scout’s turf. Members of his troop punished that mouthy beaver old school, Leviticus-style: they stoned it to death.

Norwegian bears are the worst kind of drunks

If there’s anything you know about us, we at SG have no problem with the booze. We enjoy it. We’re responsible, but we know our limit … and just past it. But the last thing we’d ever be is a bad parent and involve booze in our parenting.

Clearly, that separates us from the animals.

Last week, a mother bear set a horrible example for her 3 cubs as they broke into a Norwegian lodge and proceeded to wreck havoc on the dwelling. Along the way, the horrible foursome drank more than 100 beers, as it’s being reported.

People, this is why we don’t need animals in the world: they’re just plain rude.