President destroys small business by supporting one

For all the talk this year about whether or not President Barack Obama supports small business owners, apparently there’s no satisfying those small business owners with actual patronage.

Mike Cunningham II owns one of the oldest beer tents you’ve never heard of at the Iowa State Fair … that is until President Obama stopped by, had a couple of beers, and was criticized for costing what Cunningham estimated as $25,000 in beer sales because his Secret Service detail effectively shut the Bud Tent down during his visit.

Folks, you can’t waste that piss away that kind of publicity. (Unless that publicity is, of course, an ice cold Bud Light.)

But, while the beer may not have been flowing as well as Cunningham would have liked, at least one person managed to get drunk, judging by Sen. Chuck Grassley’s tweeting:

“How does PresO justify havin secret service shut down the bud tent @ the state fair nd the owner told me he loses 50,000 n 1 nite.”

Teenagers attempting crime about as smart as you expect

SG doesn’t necessarily condone the cool crime of theft, but if we were, we be okay-ish with someone rappelling down a cable and stealing Guy Fieri’s Lamborghini. But if you get caught, you’re S.O.L.

Well, a teenager did attempt the above last year and was caught. Still, it’s kind of impressive in its own sort of way.

Alas, that’s where the admiration ends. The aforementioned teenager, Max Wade, who’s in jail but will be transferred out of a juvenile detention center into county butt-rape jail soon, was involved in a break-in attempt. As teenagers are wont to do and be unimpressive, it will only be listed in the history books as an attempt. Why? Because the tools involved in the break-in were sledge hammers. Against concrete walls.

Talk about needing a better breed of criminals.