Day: August 17, 2012

You Missed It: Concentrated Orange Juice Edition

Your normal YMI is being interrupted by the one, the only, Chugs! Yes, Bryan McBournie is off this week but still on assignment, deep in the heart of the Democratic Republic of Yemen.

We don’t know why either. The last we saw him, he was muttering something knowing that part of the name of the country is misspelled and he’s gonna get to the bottom of it. Regardless, if your wife was busy withholding your tax returns, odds are you missed it.

Never trust a drop-out

Investors unclicked the Like button for Facebook stock this week as it saw a plummeting drop. The fall saw the stock now sitting at below 20 dollars a share. Confidence in the offering is now at an all-time low, though it’s been spun that now 2 billion shares will be eligible for trading in almost the next year. When questioned about whether they had anything to do with this, the creators of Friendster thumbed their noses and blamed it on Tom.

Not so anonymous now, are you?

Julian Assange has now been spotted! And now he’s gone! No wait, he’s there! And by there, we mean the Ecuadorian embassy in London. Ecuador has decided to grant asylum to Assange, the noted person on the run behind the WikiLeaks scandal. Remember, this moment, because when someone asks you where you were when this happened, you’ll be able to respond “Sure, but where’s Ecuador?”

Now. You. See. Me. Now. You. Don’t.

Researchers at Harvard have managed to create a robot that can blend in with its surroundings. Basing this technique on squid, octopi, cuttlefish and the Muppet Babies version of Gonzo, the ro-butt also has a flexible body and can change the color of its body like a cheap novelty mug. Has anyone decided to look into maybe nuking Harvard for the sake of humanity?

Colorado University: ‘Ask about our smoking [barrel] dorms’

As August winds down, it’s time for college students to return to their studies. And students returning to Colorado University will each face the mother of all decisions when moving into dorms: smoking? Or non-smoking? Not cigarettes, mind you, but barrels.

After losing an appeals case in the Colorado State Supreme Court, CU must now allow concealed weapons permit-holding students to live in campus housing. In response, they have set aside family housing units in Boulder and upperclassmen dorms in Colorado Springs for those who can’t bear to sign their arms away in campus police lockers.

James Manley, the attorney who represented the student guns-rights group in court (and most appropriately named proponent of holstered penises everywhere), will be examining this segregated living arrangement along with restrictions forbidding them from taking their weapons into non-smoking dorms and ticketed sprting and cultural events on campus. Student life-rights activists have countered, arguing that all gunshot victims are technically secondhand gunsmoke victims.

Canada x US: Round 2

In the War of 1812, the world saw the first skirmish between neighbors in North America: the awesome United States of America versus the royal imperialists known as Canada. Despite their devious tactics of the northern lumberjacks, the US came out the winner.

The year is 2012. 200 years later, Canadians and citizens of the United States of America have begun to clash again. The cause for the war this time? Costco.

Hear this Canadians: you may have given us Dan Ackroyd, but you’ve also given us Tom Green, and we are more than willing to send him back.