Day: August 21, 2012

Eat My Sports: Thanks, Theo

It has been well documented that the 2012 incarnation of the Boston Red Sox has been a complete disaster. The easy thing to do is point the finger at Bobby Valentine, who while not without blame, is the unfortunate face of this monstrocity. Fried chicken and beer aside, this problem of how bad the Sox really are has roots in the reason they became a juggernaut in the first place, Theo Epstein.

Epstein, who is currently hellbent on destroying another iconic franchise in the Chicago Cubs, made his mark as a brilliant GM who mastered the sabermetrics system that allowed Boston to overachieve and underpay. Somehow, Epstein abandoned this system in the later part of this past decade and simply wanted to overpay the biggest names on the free agent market. Epstein hamstrung the Sox with loaded contracts for players who have crippled the team, or simply can’t stay healty (see: John Lackey, Carl Crawford, Daisuke Matsuzaka and anyone wanting to play shortstop). Continue reading Eat My Sports: Thanks, Theo

First two rules of Toddler Fight Club broken

Police shut down the Dover, Delaware chapter of Toddler Fight Club on Monday, arresting three “day care” workers for a video that shows them encouraging two toddlers to fight. While the first two rules are clear, the third rule of the aptly named Hands of Our Future Daycare is that there’s “no pinching, only punching.”

Upon graduation from TFC or death, every toddler is renamed Robert Paulsen.

Hipsters now topped as #1 most hated Oregon export

Congratulations! It’s been a long-time coming, but science has finally found something in Oregon that can officially top hipsters and free-range everything as the worst things to come from the state: a new spider.

And its legs are hooks. Hooks!

Please, species traitors spider-lovers, tell me just how we can love something with the name trogloraptor?

Study: Alcohol makes you happier, more popular

OK, not all science is bad. This week, the American Sociological Association held a meeting, and they had a very important announcement with insights that we never knew about ourselves.

Turns out, college students who binge drink have more fun.

That’s right, science has confirmed that young people like alcohol. In fact, because of the social setting of college students, those who drink more are seen as better than those who don’t, which could be why college drinkers feel so much better about themselves. That, or it’s the booze talking.

This sort of culture needs to be transferred into the office.