But won’t someone think of the money?

A woman in Massachusetts has decided to offer a fairly large reward for her cat: it’s a song to the tune of 2000 dollars. We don’t know what the lady does for a living, or why she’s so much of a species traitor as to offer that much money for a cat when she could buy a lot of kittens with that amount.

All we know is this: finally, humans will benefit from the stupidity of animals.

Romney Roach wins!

We use “Scurry to the White House”  as a topic as our own way of making fun of the jazzed-up verbs media outlets use to make their election coverage sound more exciting. But this time, it fits.

If Madagascar hissing cockroaches are any indication, Mitt Romney will win the election this fall. And I think we all know about the psychic powers of these giant bugs. The New Jersey Pest Management Association hosted a race between two roaches, one with Romney’s likeness taped to it, the other with Barack Obama’s, because if you think roaches, you definitely think of New Jersey.

Romney Roach won the race, mostly because Obama Roach seemed confused early on. The Obama roach was under heavy security because, and this is true, people in the right-swinging crowd had threatened to stomp on it before the race.