Month: August 2012

This Dark Knight won’t be rising anytime soon

Maybe that's what he was missing.Matthew Argintar isn’t vengeance. Matthew Argintar isn’t the night. Matthew Argintar is … not … BATMAN!

What Matthew Argintar is is under arrest for charges of disorderly conduct and possession of handcuffs.

This happens when Argintar decided to dress up as the caped crusader, sans cape, and patrol around a Home Depot parking lot. Some might say that his intentions were good, as he was asking customers if they needed help because he was here to “save the day.” Most would say that after the events of Aurora, Colorado, his intentions were ill-timed at best, but most probably stupid and idiotic. This resulted in the local law enforcement being called to the do it yourself superstore.

We’re not exactly saying that Argintar is a bad Batman. We’re just saying that he’s not a good Batman if he got arrested. And if his cape isn’t Norm Breyfogle-esque.

Baby seals get what’s coming to them

For decades, fearless Canadians have kept us all safe from the threat posed by baby seals, and they did it old school, with clubs. Getting up close and personal really sends the message to the seals that manage to get away. But now, nature is taking over.

In this case, it’s death from above — bird flu. Yes, bird flu is now infecting baby seals.

A new strain of bird flu mutated to affect mammals and killed over 160 seals, most of them pups, off of New England last year, scientists say. It’s now called seal flu H3N8, so for all of you warriors out there preparing to do hand-to-hand combat with the seals, just remember not to let them cough on you.

Eating these Snickers bars will really make you become Batman

My parents recently got back from Europe, and when I went to visit them this past weekend, I was given oodles of strange and oddly worded candy-bars. This was a particular bit of joy for me because I find any bit of candy not found in the United States of America to be of high interest. I don’t think I’m the only person on this gigantic planet to have this specific character trait.

However, I don’t think it builds good relations to have Japanese people think that the American Snickers bar is nothing more than a chocolate-covered bar of meth.

Customs agents at LAX apparently feel the same way.

Very bad badminton, indeed

The world of badminton is caught up in an Olympic scandal: players intentionally tanking games for easier playoff matches. Eight women in all have been disqualified from the 2012 London Games after very obviously underplaying, including teams from China, South Korea and Indonesia.

The scandal reached a head when both teams in a match were actively trying to lose, with the South Koreans and Chinese each hoping to outlast the other with net serve after net serve and wide returning shots. The longest volley of the entire match — which can last up to three games — was four volleys. China eventually lost the first two matches, so that means they won?

The takeaway from this story, we guess, is that even lady athletes can act like a bag of shuttlecocks.

[Special thanks to Patrick H. for bringing this story to our attention!]

Winning a medal in dumbass

The Olympics are on! There’s all sorts of people from different countries doing their best at what they’ve trained most of their lives to do! It’s a big party! It’s inspiring! It makes us all want to go out and find our inner Olympian! It must be even more so for those who live in London, where, according to sources, the Olympics are being held.

A man from London on vacation in the south of France, probably to avoid the festivities in his city, caught Olympic fever despite his best efforts. He was at the beach with some of his friends, when he decided he was going to swim across the Atlantic Ocean to New York, some 3,600 miles away.

A helicopter found him out at sea, and told him swimming across the ocean may not be the best idea, but the 34-year-old man said he could handle it. So they brought in a boat and hauled his ass out of the water.

Go for gold, until the Coast Guard show up!