Day: September 12, 2012

Take it from Snee: Explaining Democracy to Foreigners, Children

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Explaining [U.S. political institution] to Foreigners and Children! But, more importantly …

Congratulations on downloading and installing Democracy® on your PC or Mac-based national operating system! Upgrading to Democracy® from previous systems of government may include complications, particularly if replacing a strong arm dictator that ate up all of your resources. This manual should help you navigate the pitfalls that may occur when new users attempt to operate unfamiliar Democratic™ applications, like FreeSpeech™ and FreeWorship™.

Egypt and Libya: technically, this is your appointment at the Genius Bar®, but I hope you won’t mind if others (like the aforementioned children) follow along. However, do not attempt to bootleg and share Explaining Democracy® to Foreigners and Children (© 1789) with unlicensed Democracy® users, as this violates my copyright and your warranty.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Explaining Democracy to Foreigners, Children

The FBI knows who you are

The FBI wants you to know that not only is the future now, but it’s to the tune of 1 billion dollars. Thanks to its costly project, cameras will be able to recognize people’s faces if they’re in the database. The how and why of the project’s use is vague at the moment, and yes, it may be slightly less than ethical, but we can assure you this:

The FBI’s Flickr account is gonna be HUGE.

Jack did not die in vain?

James Cameron — who most recently made us all feel better about ourselves by being aware of the plight of Native Nav’i — has finally heard our complaint about Titanic. No, not why Rose didn’t marry that cool Billy Zane guy after Jack died. That Jack died at all when there was clearly room on that raft for two.

In a recent interview with IGN, Cameron says it’s not an issue of room, but of buoyancy. The video in the link is where he justifies casting Kate Winslet despite her being “Hollywood fat.”

We’ll see what Mythbusters has to say, James. But, The Guys still maintain that an aristocrat pocketing a giant blue diamond when weight is an issue and a poor Irish guy is drowning and freezing … this is the very definition of class warfare.

We’ve all thought about it

When the bottom fell out of the economy in 2007 and 2008, we soon realized what we had expected all along: that bankers were part of a boys club, only it far exceeded our fears.

Well apparently even bankers have their limits, and a court told them so. Back in the crazy, feel-good days of 2005, Jason Selch had a meeting with his bosses at Bank of America and decided to moon them. He was apparently shocked when he was fired, and sued his former employers.

Let that be a lesson to those of you out who still have a job: don’t drop trou.