The McBournie Minute: The cure for political fever

For months, a epidemic has been sweeping across the country. It’s all you see on television, it’s all you read about online. It’s everywhere you go, and some people have it worse than others. What is this terrible disease? Electionitis.

Chances are you know someone with electionitis. It affects men and women of all ages and races, but luckily, it’s been held within U.S. borders. The stricken are easily identified by wearing T-shirts or pins supporting their favorite candidate, even their cars are decked out in the logos of their campaign of choice. Those who have the worst cases seem to be able to steer every conversation into What’s Wrong With America These Days, a leading cause of electionitis.

Let’s walk through some of the basic facts about this illness, to make sure you and your loved ones avoid infection. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The cure for political fever

It’s the wild west town of the future

Come November, Waterbury, Vermont, may become the most lawless place of the planet. Literally.

The village’s had a lot of financial problems over the past few years, but despite major cuts throughout, the police department has had very few (especially in comparison). But, money is money, and there’s just not enough of it in the village’s budget. As such, it’ll now be brought to the people, come November’s ballot, where they’ll be able to decide via vote if the money that goes to the police department needs to be reallocated somewhere else.

It’s not easy going through tough economic patches. That said, don’t be surprised if you see the rise of criminals in the town such as William the Adolescent or Jessuelyn Jameson.

Santorum reminds swing voters he’s Republican

Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum delivered a speech at the Values Voters Summit in Washington, DC on Saturday. He made sure to remind potential swing voters that, despite the Gov. Romney’s economics-only campaign, Rick Santorum is also one of the faces of the Republican party, and without his pet issues, there is no conservative movement.

And just in case some of you “economic conservatives and libertarian types” disagree, Santorum called you out specifically. Like that girl you forgot to call back, he wanted you to remember that it took Bible-thumping, praying-the-gay-away conservatives like Santorum to deliver the 2000, 2004 and 2010 elections to Republicans.

Santorum promised he will continue to do as much as he can to make sure the GOP remains the party that “will never have the elite, smart people on our side,” by dancing loudly and furiously in the limelight.

Also appearing was Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who reminded the country that the most important imaginary issues are still

“calling a Christmas tree a Christmas tree. [Also:] not being afraid to salute the flag, wear a flag pin, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and sing the National Anthem, unashamed, with a tear in our eye.”

You can blame the media, which Santorum did, but the The New York Times didn’t elect these guys to office.

A win for booze over our Disney overlords

Four over four decades, the Magic Kingdom at Disney World in Florida has stood as a bastion of sobriety. But today, friends, we hoist a glass in victory.

Beer and wine will soon be served at the Happiest Place on Earth, which may now actually live up to it’s name. But let’s not celebrate too early, we still need to open Mickey’s door to our ally, liquor. It only makes sense, what have the pirates of the Caribbean been drinking all this time on their ride of the same name?