MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Pirates! Band of Misfits’

In honor of yesterday’s Talk Like a Pirate Day, I present to you one of the best pirate movies in ages. Which, it’s sad to say, isn’t that overly hard to be.

“You can’t always just say ‘aarrr’ at the end of a sentence and think that makes everything all right.”

This is wise advice and not only for pirates and piratephiles of all ages. It’s also the closest thing to a lesson — also: pigs are not fruit — in the stop-motion animation The Pirates! Band of Misfits, from that British national treasure Aardman Animations. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Pirates! Band of Misfits’

Baby Merlot now serving Toddler Wine

Frequent readers already know that The Guys are entrepreneurs. We entered the booze business recently by selling Baby Merlot, a brand of wine that trains future drinkers in the womb so that they’ll be more advanced than their wine cooler-sipping peers in Kindergarten.

We’re no proud to introduce phase two: Toddler Wine. Toddler Wine is available in white, red or blush and is served in mommy’s glass. This will help mommy share sips of her wine with her toddler, fostering shared interests, all while keeping Junior in training for the big league drinks in high school. Basically, if Baby Merlot is our Childhood Development program’s Baby Mozart, then Toddler Wine is our Sesame Street.

But what about after the toddler years? The Guys are busy in our lab, trying on each other’s coats. And also working out the kinks in our beer and liquor programs.

Beware the intentions of animals that approach you with beer

The Guys don’t think it’s absurd to state that clearly, animals are now on one big public relations tour. First, it was the shark that somehow didn’t try to eat a sea-stranded man (he must not have looked like Samuel L. Jackson). And now? Now, there are horses that deliver beer to you.

Good grief.

Okay, so we should probably reword that some. The horses in question, the Budweiser Clydesdale horses, don’t just deliver beer at the drop of a hat. Instead, they made a stop in Massachusetts last week to drop off a prize that a man won in a contest. Which is neat, seeing incredibly strong enemies of ours in this war forced to bend to our whims.

But the prize was a case of beer. Budweiser beer. It’s quite literally the case of win some, lose some.

The Germans are no match for wolves

After centuries the world has found a way to defeat the Germans (aside from attacking the country from all sides simultaneously). The bad news is that it wasn’t us that figured it out, it was the animals.

German soldiers-in-training stationed in Munich have been chased off by juvenile wolves. During night training missions, the soldiers have been knocked down by the wolves, causing them to yelp and give away their position.

“They sneak up on you and leap on you without a sound. They try to bite our boots off and then run away.”

Clearly, the German army is not what it used to be.