Month: September 2012

We could use a drink after reading this

New research indicates that heavy drinkers may have a harder time recovering from traumatic events. Not only that, but they’re also more likely to experience them because, you know, booze.

The University of North Carolina School of Medicine study consisted of two groups of mice — one that had been drinking very heavily and one that silently judged the drinkers and hoped they would die in a car crash. Each were exposed to a certain sound, accompanied by electrical shocks.

After a while, the scientists backed off on the shocks, merely playing the sound that the mice had come to associate with the wrath of God or, at the very least, Emperor Palpatine. The non-drinking mice recovered quickly, no longer fearing the sound. Meanwhile, the boozing mice still feared the sound and froze every time it played.

We’re dubbing this the Chumbawamba Effect.

Pardon me, admiral, but the lady was next for the piss pot

We think of yacht clubs as exclusive and pretentious. They are filled with older white people with enough money to own a yacht, but not enough to come up with better ways of making themselves feel important. Yet they still have class. In Ohio, that’s simply not true.

OK, well the classy part isn’t true, the rest of it is dead-on. A yacht club meeting outside of Cleveland (a city known for its timeless class) erupted into a massive fight involving seven people. Countless captain’s hats were trampled upon, and there’s a good chance that some monocles were even broken.

The reason for the fisticuffs: a portable toilet.

Eat My Sports: They’re baaaaaaaaack

Welcome to the beginning of the 2012 NFL season, and of course, my annual predictions edition. My history of predictions is a brief, but well thought out history of this:

2011: Detroit Lions over Houston Texans
2010: Green Bay Packers over Baltimore Ravens
2009: Pittsburgh Steelers over Green Bay Packers
2008: Pittsburgh Steelers over New Orleans Saints

Now, while you might think I don’t know what I’m talking about. Analyze those picks. I predicted the Super Bowl winner correctly twice in four years, had the 2010 Super Bowl matchup predicted in 2009, and had the Saints in the Super Bowl one year before they won it all. So even when I am wrong, I’m not that far off. So, brasss tacks, right? Let’s get down to some predictions. Continue reading Eat My Sports: They’re baaaaaaaaack

“Pick up ur phone LOL”

According to a new study, voice mail is over. If you’re still leaving messages, then you might as well climb back up the tree you came from, you ancient mammalian ancestor that we hold in common with apes. Nowadays, the trend is to call, and if there’s no answer, to then text since they were probably screening your call in the first place.

Breaking Update: Nobody “picks up” the phone to answer it anymore. The Guys officially concede being behind the times and have been sentenced to 10 years on hold with the technical assistance hotline.

We discovered a flying horror — three years ago

It’s commonly-known that two of the most dangerous animals on the planet are the poodle and the moth. So when you combine the two, you’re in for a real-life nightmare.

In Venezuela, the nightmare has become a reality.

In 2009, a zoologist snapped a picture of what at this point remains an unknown species of moth in Canaimá National Park in Venezuela, yet the man only now decided to warn humanity about it vie Flickr. It’s got apparently covered in fluffy white fur, has white wings, but dark eyes. Worst of all, it has a wingspan out about an inch, meaning it could probably crawl into your ear. It also looks like an evil flying snowman.