Day: October 1, 2012

The McBournie Minute: Food fights, the biggest threat to our youth

I want to start off by saying that I don’t support violence in any way, unless it involves the military or simply my own entertainment, such as TV, movies, video games and sports. The random, real-life stuff, like shootings and riots are never good, and I will never encourage them. OK, maybe bar fights are fun to watch. That said, let’s tackle a very important topic: violence in our schools.

It seems there is nothing but chaos in Arizona lately. They have laws being struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court, there’s violence in the streets, and the Cardinals are 4-0. There’s an uneasy feeling everywhere, and the entire state feels like it’s going to erupt at any moment, but that’s mostly because of the heat.

So it seems fitting that Arizona was the scene of school violence that could have turned worse, had it not been for a quick-thinking teacher. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Food fights, the biggest threat to our youth

A Boy Scout leader and a Catholic priest walk into a bar …

The Boy Scouts of America have decided to try something new and start reporting their sex offenders to the police. Their previous method mirrored the Catholic Church, which was to

1. Maintain their own private records of sex abuse incidents.

2. Ignore that list and kick out all the gays.

BSA reports that, by turning over criminal justice to the professionals, they’ll be able to concentrate more on identifying atheists by a list of inaccurate stereotypes and purging them from the ranks.

“Figuring out which boys are atheists will be tough, you know, because the uniform coves up their Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirts and Darwin fish undershorts,” said Chief Scout Executive, Wayne Brock. “Say what you will about the seriousness of child abuse, but at least the pedos got these shy, godless boys to peel off a few layers.”

Gays and lesbians will still not be allowed to join, of course, because Jason Voorhees.

‘Hunters Needed: Inquire Within Wisconsin’

Wisconsin loves hunters, almost as much as bratwursts, cheese and the Green Bay Packers (they definitely rank higher than replacement refs). However, hunters don’t seem to love Wisconsin quite as much, though. This is a problem for the state, as it’s being reported in stats that 28 hunters can support 1 job, which is the oddest math that I’ve seen.

Nevertheless, the Department of Natural Resources is on top of the problem! They’re running a program called Hunter Challenge 2012, something like a recruitment drive for people that use deer urine and orange clothing. Best of all, the program will allow discounts on licenses, making our war against the hated animals that much more cost-efficient! Literally, more bang for your buck.

OHGODIMSOASHAMEDOFSAYINGTHAT

Three-way calls in the U.K.

In America, multitasking is all the rage. We can’t simply sit and do something like hold a conversation, we need to be emailing someone or checking our Facebook profile while we talk to someone. But we’ve got nothing on the U.K.

A study there of over 2,000 adults found that a third of Brits are perfectly fine with answering the phone while having sex, or as they say over there, “answering the tele whilst shagging.” A little over half think it’s fine to answer while on the toilet, out to dinner, or at a wedding.

So if you’re thinking about calling someone across the pond–don’t.