You Missed It: 800-pound bird in the room edition

It seems like there are a bunch of old show reunions going on all of a sudden, and I don’t recall asking for them, either. The cast of Full House (sans the Olsens) reunited recently, because, as it turns out, they have a lot of free time these days. And this week we heard from the mother of Lark Voorheis, who played Lisa Tuttle on Saved By the Bell, is bi-polar. The actress denies it, but you never know which one’s talking. If you were busy debuting your new Bond movie song this week, odds are you missed it.

Made possible by federal support and viewers like you
This week, President Barack Obama and Republican candidate Mitt Romney met for the first presidential debate, during which, Romney went on the offensive and even showed signs of a personality. At one point, he said that as much as he loves Big Bird, as president he would cut federal funding to PBS. Not even the threat of losing his job awoke moderator Jim Lehrer from his nap.

Cat fight
Apparently, Maria Carey and Nicki Minaj are both judges onAmerican Idol this season, and they are not getting along. The two have been arguing recently, and Carey even beefed up her security after Minaj allegedly said she was going to shoot her. The tussle began over something I just don’t care enough to research.

They keep taking and taking
Why do people keep making the mistake of messing with Liam Neeson? Taken 2 is out this weekend, and this time  it’s personal, although I guess it was personal last time, too. Once again, Neeson’s daughter gets taken by Albanians, but this time, his ex-wife is taken, too. Plot twist! We all pretty much know how this one is going to end, and it’s that there are going to be a lot of dead bad guys and a slightly bloodied Neeson, and the family will be saved. I don’t care if it’s the same thing as the first one, I just like that there’s a movie franchise where the badass’ name is “Bryan.”

Catch a ‘tee and you’re sitting on top of the world

Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez turned herself in, ending one of the shortest manhunts in history. Her crime? The care-free, very slow sport of manatee riding.

Guitierrez was caught on camera, riding a couple of ‘tees at Fort De Soto Park. She says that she is new to the area, so she didn’t know that it’s a violation of the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act to “annoy, molest, harass, or disturb” them, a law that was originally passed to prosecute sexual harassment cases against pirates.

Folk, do not make Guiterrez’s mistake. Riding manatees, no matter how tempting, is illegal and will possibly give you warts. (They’re a type of frog, right?) By sitting on top of one, you’re preventing boats from hitting Florida’s maritime speed bumps, and unimpeded motorboats are dangerous.

Leroy Jenkins not a credible reference for politicians

Colleen Lachowicz is a democrat running for state senate in Waterville, Maine and she also happens to play a lot of World of Warcraft. As per Maine Republicans, this means that she is more than unfit for office, and as such, the Maine Republican Party has set up an entire website dedicated to digging up old forum posts made by Lachowicz.

“Colleen Lachowicz is a Democrat candidate for Maine State Senate. In Colleen’s online fantasy world, she gets away with crude, vicious and violent comments like the ones below. Maine needs a State Senator that lives in the real world, not in Colleen’s fantasy world.”

Yes, this is an actual website set up by the Maine Republican Party.

This whole situation is hilarious in the “you can’t believe it’s actually real” hilarious, kind of like in the beginning for the replacement refs for the NFL. To use the fact that she plays World of Warcraft as a political dig against her? It’d only be an understandable claim if the woman played Second Life.

Gator Alley is in Manhattan

For years, the tabloids tried to warn us. They told us that there were massive alligators living in the sewers of New York City, until the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles proved them wrong. But now, it may really be happening.

Recently, small alligators have been found around the greater NYC area, some showing up at stores, some showing up in Brooklyn, and some on Long Island. With this recent rash of gator-related incidents, all we know is this: the leader of Al-Igator is near, and we must be wary for an attack at any time.