Day: October 9, 2012

Eat My Sports: Is Goodell human?

So Roger Goodell did something very un-Roger Goodell like this week, he admitted another mistake, in so many words. We all know the story of Bounty Gate and how Jonathan Vilma has made the league look very bad in its handling of the situation. But Goodell, when faced with appeals, revised some of his suspensions.

Now, let’s not read too much and think that Goodell has turned a new leaf and is the football version of Jesus. But it appears, the shield has suffered enough beatings that cracks have formed and Goodell is starting to listen to reason, and not just, you know, himself.

It’s unfortunate that the league has put itself in these embarrassing situations like in New Orleans and the replacement refs, but at least now we’re starting to see some changes, until it starts affecting the bottom line, then I’m sure he’ll revert.

Oh well, on to the picks. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Is Goodell human?

Measuring up ye bagpipes

Depending on who you ask, size matters. That’s what researchers in Scotland found out from 323 lasses, mostly university students.

Assuming that the average wee beastie measures between the lengths of a 20-pound note and a U.S. dollar bill — that sound you just heard is men everywhere checking their wallets for cash — psychologists asked each woman if they were more likely to orgasm vaginally from a longer-than-average or shorter-than-average walloper.

160, or just over half, had actually had a vaginal-only orgasm and enough partners to compare experiences with. “Of these, 33.8 percent preferred longer-than-average penises, 60 percent said size made no difference and 6.3 percent said longer was less pleasurable than shorter” because they just finished banging the census taker and didn’t want to offend him.

100 percent of the lasses agreed, however, that if your penis isn’t Scottish, then it’s CRAAAAAP!

 (Special thanks to Patrick H.)

When there’s no more room in China, the dead will rise

Zombie movies have happened just about everywhere. The United States, Germany, Canada, Sweden, England, Wales, Australia, India, Japan, and if I understand the trailer, perhaps some place in Africa while also facing the T-800?

But one place they haven’t happened in is China. That is, until recently.

A man in Foshan City cornered a woman on the street and proceeded to begin gnawing on her face. Bystanders came by and attacked the undead man with a shovel to no avail. When the police arrived, the zombie began chewing on one of their arms. Ghastly!

The media is writing off the incident as the actions of a mentally ill individual, but c’mon. You and I know the real truth here. World War Z may soon become a tome that predicts the future.

Living in New York somehow gets worse

Folks, if you’re planning on going to New York City, don’t, unless you have flame thrower.

We told you last week about how alligators are invading the the city, by water and sewer, but it’s getting worse. Our animal foes are coming after New Yorkers by land, too. This time, it’s raccoons. They’re getting into people’s trash and in some cases breaking into homes. They’re getting so bad in some neighborhoods that even dogs are afraid of them.

Perhaps we can turn the gators on them.