Day: October 18, 2012

MasterChug’s Theater: ‘Pinocchio’s Revenge’

Dear Pinocchio’s Revenge: I would like to take my revenge on you.

Everyone knows the story about Pinocchio, right? A wooden puppet that was carved in a small Italian village by a man named Geppetto, and Pinocchio would dream about someday becoming a real boy. The version that I believe everyone is familiar with is the Disney cartoon created in the 40s’. Imagine my surprise when I’m browsing through Netflix late at night and I come across this movie, one I’ve not heard of since I was 13 and listening (but not watching) the scrambled channel that was the PPV The Action Channel (home to other greats like Return to Savage Beach, Luke’s Peep Show and the later Puppetmaster movies).

Ugh. I never even saw it then and I thought it was bad. Hoo-boy. Continue reading MasterChug’s Theater: ‘Pinocchio’s Revenge’

Who would Marcia Brady endorse?

U.S. Rep. Don Young, R-Alaska, is in a real pickle. He just accidentally said yes to endorsing two Senate candidates in the same race!

You see, during Hawaii’s U.S. Senate primary, he endorsed Democrat Rep. Mazie Hirono. But, that was only because he didn’t think Linda Lingle, the former Republican governor of Hawaii, would ask him. Don’s a Republican, so it only makes sense to go with Linda, who could very well turn out to be his conservative soulmate. Imagine the bills they’d frame together!

But, he made a promise when he said he’d endorse his Congressional partner, Mazie, to the U.S. Senate, and you can’t break a promise.  Plus, she already bragged to all of her friends in a campaign video that he’s taking her! If only there were a way to let her down easy, maybe by finding a friend to endorse her in his place? Stupid election laws stating that only one candidate can win each senate race.

This is exactly why we almost didn’t let Hawaii and Alaska into the union in 1959. They’re just too immature to get the hang of electoral dating etiquette.

Guinness doesn’t care about Japan’s largest toilet, maybe thinks it’s crappy?

Get ready for some time travel style reporting.

Dateline, May 2012: We at SeriouslyGuys broke to you, our loyal audience, news full of not corn and nuts, but of Japan’s decision to make the largest toilet in the world. Women would be able to pay for the privilege in peeing in a clear box. So far, nothing out of the norm for Japan.

Dateline, 2013: The world’s largest toilet is opened in Ichihara. Or is it?

Dateline, October 2012: Guinness World Records decides to pass on judging the world’s largest toilet, citing their lack of interest in the matter. This is a little important for the project as Guinness’s seal of approval is needed for the title. Ichihara cares not, stating that they’ll continue with the costly art project. Meanwhile, male Japanese bladders continue to suffer.

Iowa: Land of romance

While much of the U.S. is consumed with greed and selfishness, Iowa knows how to keep love alive, and one jewelry store is doing just that.

A store in North Liberty, Iowa is offering a voucher for a free gun with every purchase of an engagement ring costing $1,999 or more. But hurry, gents, the rings must be bought by the end of October. The voucher is good at a local gun store for a Remington 870 shotgun, a model popular with certain federal agencies.

This deal has a double bonus, in a few years, you can save all that money on getting a divorce with your engagement gift.

Disclaimer: “Suicide” part of murder-suicide is optional.