You Missed It: Texas toast edition

The Internet is a harsh place. On one hand, there are thousands of young women out there who seem to take interest in us, seemingly for free, and then there are the critics of anyone on the national stage. The latter is where Internet memes come from, and they are one of the reasons I wake up every day. But we’re getting to the point where memes have a lifespan of hours, not even days. I was getting tired of the “binders full of women” jokes inside of 48 hours. Maybe one of these debates will be on Thursday night so I can be at the next meme’s height. If you were busy getting swept in the American League Championship Series this week, odds are you missed it.

The flames are bigger in Texas
Big Tex was a fixture at Texas State Fairs. For 60 years, the mechanical, 52-foot cowboy greeted fairgoers with a smile, pointing to the entrance all the while. But this year, Tex decided to end the fair with a bang. In the waning days of the fair this week, Tex caught fire and burned down to his metal frame. Fire marshals are leaning toward electricity as the cause, but it seems pretty obvious it was a pre-election self-immolation.

Never give Tom Hanks a microphone
Morning news/ talk shows have a decent following these days (thanks, unemployment!), but they can seem a little dull for the average adult viewer who is accustomed to the dirter, bloodier and louder programming fare offered nightly. But Tom Hanks is out to change that. During an interview for his new movie Cloud Atlas, Hanks was goaded into some method acting of one of his characters live on Good Morning America. And then he dropped the F-bomb. Is it sweeps week or something?

Didn’t Doc and Marty do this back in 1885?
This week, an Amtrak train in a test run hit 111 mph along a track somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis. Regardless, it still managed to show up two hours late.

Scalding pizza problem licked

If there’s one thing the Guys love, it’s freshly baked pizza. But, every rose has its thorn and every bagel bite has its scalding tomato sauce, just like how every cowboy sings sad, indecipherable song through stuffed crust and oral blisters.

Jason McConville knows our pain and will eradicate it with his knowledge as a professor of pharmaceutical sciences. He has  modified a breath strip to deliver benzocaine, a common local anesthetic, to the scorched area. He claims that it will help speed up healing, which is already pretty fast in the mouth, and that the strip will not impair your voice as it dissolves.

So, thanks, Dr. McConville, because when pizza’s on a bagel, now we can finally eat pizza any time. Even straight out of the oven.

There’s a new neighbor in space’s cul-de-sac

Alpha Centauri. It’s a galaxy that space nerds named. We don’t exactly know where it is or how many smelly French people live in it, but we do know it exists.

As of this week, we also know that there is a planet in it. SPACE SCIENCE!

As it is, this is pretty big news, discovery-wise, but science fiction nerds around the internet are blowing their lids. Why? Because Alpha Centauri is a fairly significant universe when it comes to science fiction, whether it’s giant transforming robots or a galactic federation composed of pointy-eared people with crew cuts.

Now, does the newly discovered planet, known as eso1241 (real creative, science), actually have any life? Who knows, but if so, I’m sure we’ll be able to subjugate it.

French frogs are notorious cheaters

All’s fair in love and war, but as we all know, animals don’t blame by the rules. (Let me know when that sentence makes sense.)

French scientists, and you know how they are when it comes to love, say that male European tree frogs that are unable to emit as attractive a mating call as others of their species have found a way to trick the ladies. They simply hang around near where the attractive calls are being made, so that hopefully when the female frog comes over, they are the first to pounce.

This could never happen with humans. If it could, Richie Cunningham would have been knee-deep in it while the Fonz went home empty handed night after night.