Eat My Sports: Not the greatest

So today is the day where we get back the sport that makes it seem as if the MLB season is too short, basketball. Tonight’s showdown between the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics wil begin with the Heat having their ring ceremony and handing LeBron James his first (not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven) championship ring. And while everyone is saying that this is the beginning of him basically owning the next 10 titles, let’s hold off before just handing out the greatest ever title.

James won his only championship in a strike shortened season. You know what other team was able to accomplish that but never won again? The Atlanta Braves. A strike shortened season had the Heat, a very young team, playing every other night, and these guys had the gas to do it. But veteran teams like the the Celtics and Lakers had their teams finally break down at the end of the year because of the rigorous schedule. The time to gameplan was taken away. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Not the greatest

Red Leaf Down

Since 2001, the U.S. has beefed up border security, which has resulted in a few complications, like American citizens living in the U.S., yet walled off with Mexico. And northern citizens, who have cozied up with Canada over the past couple of centuries, even sharing towns and currency, have argued that there’s no reason to secure both borders. Were it possible to actually eat words, we imagine this argument would taste as shameful as licorice-flavored edible panties from Spencer’s, for animals have discovered America’s most vulnerable spot to attack: Canada.

A Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer — mounted, in this case, in a car — attempted to break up what appeared to be illegal mid-road moose assembly. It turned out to be an ambush, and the officer narrowly escaped with his life after a bull moose charged his trusty steed. The attacker broke off his front bumper, pierced the driver’s side window and injured the officer. Also, it left hoofprints on the roof and trunk, which may have desecrated the Canadian maple leaf if they put those sorts of things on their police cars.

Unfortunately, the RCMP were unable to get their mooses moosen meese antlered men, which means these armed and dangerous beasts are heading for our border while we’re distracted with Hurricane Sandy. It’s time to wall off Canada and their animal terrorists for good.

Event that gets shut down early still gets crazy after everyone leaves

Quick, everyone, it’s pop quiz time!

What do you get when you combine the an arena in New York, a Halloween themed event held for the public, underage teenagers, underage drinking and public underage fornication? Obviously, the correct answer to that equation is an event that gets shut down early.

But! What if you throw a low flying helicopter that decides to land around people into the mix while officers are shutting down the party?

Then you get this past Saturday night at the Nassau Coliseum. Also, surprisingly enough, a true story.

Tread lightly in NYC this week

It comes as a shock to no one who has been there that New York City is a pretty dirty place. They’ve got alligators in the sewers and hipsters running wild in the streets. But Hurricane Sandy could make it much, much worse.

Last year, when Hurricane Irene struck, New York Harbor’s Gowanus Canal nearly flooded, and with Hurricane Sandy bearing down far stronger than last year’s storm, people are worried that the canal will flood this time, sending heavy metals, oil and human excrement into the streets of Brooklyn. That’s right, a canal called “Gowanus” may end up causing there to be poop in the streets of a major city.

It should be pointed out that the streets of Brooklyn are already filled with urine, but no storm can be blamed.