Take it from Snee: What has the electorate done?!

You know, I thought your average American voter was a reasonably bright, discerning individual. Someone who can learn from past mistakes, and not elect the same failure. It appears I was wrong. America, how could you be so stupid? How could you re-elect Bill Pullman as President of the United States?  Continue reading Take it from Snee: What has the electorate done?!

This Bud isn’t for you, Denzel

Anheuser-Busch and Stolichnaya vodka distributor, William Grant & Sons, have objected to their labels appearing in the new Denzel Washington flick, Flight. Washington plays a high functioning alcoholic — or one of The Guys — who drinks throughout the film, including behind the wheel and while flying as an airline pilot.

“We would never condone the misuse of our products, and have a long history of promoting responsible drinking and preventing drunk driving,” Rob McCarthy, vice president of Budweiser, wrote in a statement to distance his company from the film.

Responsible uses of Budweiser, according to sanctioned uses of their label in commercials, include: building a house out of Bud Light cans, animal husbandry and horse cart driving, picking up chicks in darkened bars, sports superstition, and drinking it for the sake of it being (in their words) “drinkable.”

As for Stoli, nothing good ever comes from drinking that. Nothing you’d tell your parents about, anyway.

But, still: good looking out for your brands’ reputations, morons. After all, bad things only happen to drunk drivers.

Penises big on the ballot for Los Angeles

It’s a bigger matter than you think. Or depending on your search history, maybe not.

For our readers in Los Angeles, yesterday, you were able to take part in a decision that affects more of your financial situation than you know: putting the condom on the honker in the pron.

Measure B, the code name for the county ordinance that was voted on, was created in part due to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation and STD statistics for Los Angeles, of which porn actors there have more STD’s than Nevada (as in the entire state) prostitutes. Measure B could potentially prevent a lot of bumps being on someone’s noggin.

The ordinance doesn’t really affect The Guys, not because we live in Virginia, but because we like our porn with more heffalumps than what you usually find.

Warrior of the Week: Jeffrey Meldrum

As Starship Troopers taught us, when you’re in a war, the more you know about the enemy, the better. In the War on Animals, that means studying our foes, and finding the ones we’re not sure even exist, because sometimes, those are the biggest threat.

Jeffrey Meldrum, an anatomy and anthropology professor, gets it. And apparently, so does Idaho State University. The school approved his proposal to fly a remote-controlled blimp equipped with a thermal imaging camera over the mountains of the western U.S. in search of Bigfoot. Now all he needs is at least $300,000 in donations to fund the project.