Day: November 14, 2012

Take it from Snee: Welcome to My Enemies List, Channing Tatum

The Declaration of Independence guarantees every American three basic things: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I’ve worked hard to be born a U.S. citizen, and dammit, I don’t expect any more or less than those very things.

For instance, when my office designated my favorite parking space a “handicapped” zone by “law,” I recognized it for what it really was: an attempt to steal my liberty (to park in that spot) and my life (the precious minutes that I can never have back after walking 10 extra feet to the door). Fortunately, I was able to redress this injustice by printing up a fake doctor’s note.

But, there are certain assaults on my god-given American rights that I can’t correct, like when People magazine, clearly in error, passed me over yet again for their “Sexiest Man Alive” cover. People, we’ll talk next year. Channing Tatum: not so fast there, Captain Abs. You’ve just made My Enemies List.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Welcome to My Enemies List, Channing Tatum

Hormone prevents whore moans

Ladies, if you’re trying to keep that man of yours from straying, then what you need is a little oxy. No, not Oxy Clean. No, not even oxycodone, although the resulting addiction pretty much guarantees his loyalty until he finds a new supplier.

A recent experiment had men inhale oxytocin and then introduced them to an attractive female stranger. Those in “stable, monogamous” relationships stayed an average 6 1/2 inches farther away from an attractive female stranger than their single peers. Not only that, but they also put more space between themselves and pictures of attractive women, too.

The scientists involved believe this is because oxytocin “makes [men] more empathetic, more attuned to social cues, and more inclined to adjust their behavior accordingly.” The Guys, however, think it just improves our eyesight, so we don’t have to get closer for a better look.

Who would’ve thought that a case of mistaken identity could be so profitable?

When I’ve done a Google search for my name, it usually comes up with the artwork of a 90’s era comic book artist or some internet guy (not me, though).

Somehow, that’s still marginally better than being confused with a major crime lord. Marginally, even in Australia.

Accidental stink bombing

In Australia, it’s fire season, and that means firefighters are working together to put out the blazes on the ground and in the air. It’s like California all summer long, except with strange accents.

Recently, about 50 firefighters and four different aircraft were battling a blaze when a helicopter drew from the wrong pond and ended up dumping raw sewage on the men below. About half of the firefighters had to be decontaminated afterwards, no word as to when their wives will go near them.