Day: November 28, 2012

Take it from Snee: Time to let Florida secede

The city of Miami will strike first.

SeriouslyGuys documented earlier this month how crazed and/or bored Internet users in mostly Southern states filed petitions to secede from the United States almost immediately after President Barack Obama won reelection. Of course, many Web sites like ours joked about letting those mostly former Confederate states go their merry, debt-filled, uninsured way.

Look, nobody most people weren’t really serious about that. Not really, anyway. While, yes, things would be simpler if the states that require the most federal money, yet never want to pay for it, struck it out on their own, we wouldn’t be the same country. Deep fried Oreos would be reclassified as “ethnic food” just because it comes from another country, and our nation’s foodies eat enough fried foreign tripe as it is.

But, what about Florida?  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Time to let Florida secede

Song now corrected to state botulism is the sweetest thing in the world

There are many, many, MANY reasons why someone should not drink prison booze. The most prevalent one should be that putting something in your body called ‘toilet wine’ cannot end well. Along with this are the questionable ingredients, the manner in which it’s made, and oh yeah, once again, it’s called ‘toilet wine.’

Nonetheless, if you need another reason, let me give one very legitimate one: botulism.

That’s right, the poison that’s also put into your eyebrows was potentially found in seven inmates in Arizona thanks to the homemade hooch that was made in a cell. The CDC has released the anti-toxin to the prison, but people, if it’s not sealed, just don’t drink it.

Kim Jong Un makes Snee’s Enemies List

Snee’s Enemy Number Un, riding a meal for twenty. (He’s not even that handsome, you guys.)

Two weeks ago, Rick Snee revealed his enemies list that he has been building since 1985 when People magazine started selecting a Sexiest Man Alive every year and has somehow consistently passed him over. He has not, however, put the editors of People on that list in hopes that they will one day stop being distracted by flashes in the pan like George Clooney and Johnny Depp.

And now, for the first time ever, there is a second entry within the year on his enemies list. The Onion named North Korean despot, Kim Jong Un, their Sexiest Man Alive, but they don’t count because they keep interviewing the same three people for their man-on-the-street interviews — like we wouldn’t notice! But, when the announcement made it into one of China’s official newspapers, People’s Daily Online (which sounds awfully close to People), that was close enough for impotent, wrathful listmaking.

Congratulations, Kim Jong Un! Your certificate of Rick Snee’s scorn is on its way, even if it is based on a technicality.

Good job, Goodell

Roger Goodell has come out and said that a suspension for Detroit Lions’ Subway promoter, Ndamukong Suh, is unlikely because he cannot tell the intent of the kick that hit Matt Schaub in the fellas. Goodell, the same man who suspended Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger six games for an accusation, and Saints players over an investigation that was not upheld, is doing a fantastic job of protecting the shield.

Now we can know when the robots turn on us

It just may turn out that the English will be all that remains of humanity.

Aside from being on an island blessed with natural resources and some pretty solid, if old, fortifications, England could be the best off should the robots rise up against us. Why? Because researchers at Cambridge are the only ones in the serious science community bold enough to study the risk of biotechnology, artificial life, nanotechnology and, of course, climate change from overthrowing humanity.

It’s about time the scientific community looks into what the science fiction community has been warning about for well over a century.