We’ve long suspected that, despite animals threatening all of human survival, not every human is on board with the War on Animals. Sure enough, the new year — the year of the snake, no less — has revealed an insidious fifth column: the “Center for Biological Diversity.”
What kind of diversity, we’re pretending you asked? One with less humans thanks to endangered species-themed condoms. The animal-lovers are distributing 50,000 free condoms, each featuring animal propaganda, over the holidays. And, according to their own press release, it’s to address “the effects of rapid human population growth on rare plants and animals.”
Let’s prove them right, people. This holiday season, make the gift that keeps on eating and using natural resources. And just to get things rolling, feed Junior a steak every meal. Or an endangered panther. It’ll put hair on her chest (unless you skin the lion first).