Oh sure, Anheuser-Busch and Budejovicky Budvar may be fighting over the name of Budweiser, but wouldn’t it behoove Anheuser-Busch to put that focus into a better beer instead?
Month: December 2012
Ha ha, very funny, NASA
Yeah, NASA, you totally had us going with your new Buzz Lightyear prototype spacesuit. To infinity and beyond, indeed. Space Rangers reporting for duty! Hahaha!
The “Z-1?!” Ah-hahahaha! Does it come with everything you see here, or are batteries included?
Eh-heh, heh … So, what does your next spacesuit really look like?
… Oh.
Really?
And just how much did Disney pay you to make Tomorrowland relevant again?
The worst things come from beneath you
We did it. We finally did it. Kevin Bacon tried to tell us all along. We have found a species of worm that just keeps living, almost no matter what you do to it. And of all places, it comes from Vietnam.
It’s a worm that can withstand pesticides. You can slice it in half and all you do is clone it. The only true way to kill it off is through fire. They’re long and leech-like, and apparently the Vietnamese have never seen anything like it before.
Only killed by fire? In Vietnam? The U.S. military may have something for that, for a price.
MasterChugs Theater: ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’
For many people, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is the best Christmas-themed comedy ever filmed. Personally, I make it habit to watch this movie approximately a gazillion times between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Even after seeing the film so many times, Christmas Vacation remains as hilarious and entertaining as the previous holiday season. More than just a seasonal film, it’s one of those rare comedies that’s near perfect from beginning to end. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation’
‘Pay no attention to that spider on top of the web!’
Phil Torres, a biologist and science educator, was leading one of his tours of the Peruvian rainforest when he discovered a spider … being controlled by another spider. It turns out that this possibly new species of the spider genus Cyclosa has taken the creepy in creepy crawly to the next level: puppetry.
Cyclosa spiders are known for making decoys in their webs using leaves, egg sacs and dirt. This one, however, actually crafts a full spider body — legs and all — out of the materials and uses web threads to make them move. Torres discovered 25 of them along the trail alone, with varying degrees of realism. (One of the spiders is experiencing a Cubist period.)
What’s most notable about the decoys is their size and placement. The decoys are nearly twice the size of the actual puppetmaster spiders, and they’re positioned at about human face-height. It’s clear that these compensatory analogues are meant for us humans, as if spiders weren’t terrifying enough.
Thieves steal tons of now cheap consoles
Thieves! Stealers! Potential hoarders! All of these words describe the culprits behind a theft in SeaTac where 7000 Wii consoles were stolen from a warehouse. Seven thousand! That’s enough to create your own artificial shortage of the consoles and be very effective about it…if it were the year 2006 again. Nintendo created their own artificial shortage of the console during the entire first year that the Wii was out.
Now, in the year 2012, a Wii console can be purchased for between 120 and 130 dollars. So, have fun sitting on that giant number of Wii units, guys!
Who stole the maple syrup, eh?
Canada often gets made fun of for being so soft and friendly that it’s not really a country. But they have real problems up there, and a recent mass theft proves just that. Someone stole a lot of maple syrup!
Authorities say that three people are in custody in connection for a huge theft of maple syrup from a warehouse in Quebec, which is apparently not its own country. The theft happened in August, and while the exact amount of syrup stolen hasn’t been disclosed (you know, speculators and all that), the warehouse can hold up to 10 million pounds.
Make sure you don’t buy any black market maple syrup, buy American!
Take it from Snee: Where the NRA dares not tread
Guys, as you probably noticed on Facebook, there isn’t a Take it from Snee this week. That’s because I’m too busy working on this week’s issue of the Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarian Militia.
And, let me tell you, this has not been an easy one to put together. People seem to be really on our case after Friday’s tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. As you’ve noticed, we and the NRA have been quiet this week, and for good reason: we don’t have to say a word. Our members will do it for us. It’s called viral marketing, and they have caught Second Amendment Fever!
So, as the nation mourns (again), RAM has nothing to say except that this was a terrible tragedy, and words cannot express how pained we are. Nor can we offer any insight into the actions on that terrible day … but here’s what some ordinary, normal folks (*wink*) have said for us on Facebook and Twitter.
Continue reading Take it from Snee: Where the NRA dares not tread
Tebow trade winds
Now it’s official, the New York Jets’ season is a bust. When Timothy Tebow doesn’t want to be on your crappy team, time to blow the whole thing up.
It’s integral to walking the streets at night
If one is going to roam the streets in the early day, slashing tires willy-nilly, there are certain objects they should probably have on them. At least, we can only assume these are the new standards for such actions (not that we advocate said crimes, but if you’re gonna do them, do them in style):
- A dark colored hoodie of some sort
- A knife or cutting object of some sort. We won’t be picky, as a rusty spork may possibly be able to do the job
- Running shoes, as opposed to unlaced Timberland boots
- A backpack
- A jar of poop to put in said backpack