Day: January 7, 2013

The McBournie Minute: Don’t get excited

With the end of the holiday season, and the beginning of “Oh crap, we still have months left of this miserable weather” season, we often try to find things to believe in. We all need that thing to hope for, to look forward to, to get us through. It’s a stupid mental trick we do to ourselves.

It’s time we stop tricking ourselves into looking forward to things. It’s going to be crappy for a long time, and the sooner we all acknowledge this, the better our chances are of moving on. We don’t need winter escapism, we need to face reality and somehow make our peace with it. It’s unfair of us to put so much pressure on these things we hope for.

So I’m here to tell you why you shouldn’t get excited about things around the corner. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Don’t get excited

Sheriff wants inside inside clothes rather than outside inside clothes

Robert Pickell, the sheriff of Flint, Michigan, has decided that it’s time to paraphrase the famous words of George Bush, and thus: “No new underwear.”

His decision has been prompted by recent actions of inmates to traffic drugs and illegal paraphernalia. Newly jailed individuals had beforehand restitched and sewn up female undergarments so that they would now contain pockets to bring in baggies of China White. As such, outside undergarments have been banned from being brought as gifts to inmates in the Genesee County Jail.

Sadly, Pickell’s decision is misplaced. Instead of focusing on the underwear, he should be focusing on conspiracy of evil seamstresses that has now arisen, ready to overthrow our legal system and create a fortune with their illicit lingerie.

The in-game assassin occupation is born

While video game addiction was once a uniquely American thing, times have changed, and kids in China are coming down with the illness, too. But they have their own way of handling things over there.

Xiao Feng, 23, believed himself to be the best online video game player around. For years he was playing games and neglecting school. His father was upset that he wasn’t even looking for a job. So, an in-game assassin-type guy was hired to go after his son to make him get bored with the games.

But where was his tiger mom?

Cats: the Bane of Rio

This plot to get revenge for Ra's al Ghul was foiled by Brazil's lack of foil-colored cats or white duct duct tape.
This plot to get revenge for Ra’s al Ghul was foiled by Brazil’s lack of metallic-colored cats or white duct duct tape.

A cat (Felis diabolo) was caught trying to sneak escape tools into a Brazilian prison, Arapiraca. It had concealed a saw, a mobile phone, drills, an earphone, a memory card, batteries and a phone charger on its non-person with duct tape.

Authorities suspect all 263 inmates at the prison, but can’t get the cat to name names.

‘It’s tough to find out who’s responsible for the action as the cat doesn’t speak,’ a prison spokesperson told local paper Estado de S.Paulo.

If this is a plot by cats to break prisoners out and unleash havoc in Brazil, then one of their ringleaders got this cat’s tongue. It’s probably just as well because you know its voice would have sounded ridiculous, maybe like Celebrity Jeopardy Sean Connery wearing a Darth Vader mask.