MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Queen of Versailles’

The Queen of Versailles began as a documentary about a time-share billionaire, his ditzy wife, and their grotesque quest to build the largest house in the United States of America. It ended as perhaps the single best film on the Great Recession.

If that and just that is not enough to sell you on this movie, then read on to find out why you need to look at one of the 10 best movies of 2012. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Queen of Versailles’

It’s a mountain, not a moose-tain

The moose is back and baby, it’s back with a bunch moose-itude! A man in Vermont was casually minding his own business, simply skiing when a crazed moose began charging him! The horror!

If it wasn’t for the quick thinking of Jeff Palmer*, the moose could have done some serious damage to him. Back off, the plural form of moose! The mountains are ours, not yours!

*Three things everyone knows:

  • If a moose charges you, run into the woods.
  • The real voice of a moose is Brad Garrett.
  • Jazz was the tall military commando with the banging hair in Transformers.


Nothing is more depressing than diet fruit punch.
Nothing is more depressing than diet fruit punch.

A recent National Institutes of Health study found a correlation between rates of depression and drinking sweetened regular and diet sodas, fruit punch and sweetened iced tea.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that soda causes depression; depressed people may just be more likely to pop a can.

But, what’s interesting are the relative levels of depression among the tested beverages. People who drank diet soda were 30 percent more likely to be depressed, while regular soda drinkers only had a 22 percent risk. Fruit punch drinkers, however, were 38 percent more depressed than their non-fruit punch drinking peers.

But, the most depressing statistic? People who drank diet fruit punch were 51 percent more likely to be depressed than anyone else. The lesson here? Diet fruit punch — or diet fruit punch drinkers — is more depressing than a Sarah McLachlan and Sally Struthers duet.

The animals aren’t taking the winter off

Animal apologists will tell you that male deer, or bucks, do some crazy things when it’s mating season. Then they wink and give you the “Am I right?” look. They trot this out every time a deer breaks into a building and harasses its occupants. But when this happens at a school, it’s not funny anymore.

Just outside Cincinnati, a teacher and three students were inside a classroom at Kings Junior High School, when suddenly a buck crashed through the window, nearly hitting the teacher. The quick-thinking occupants made it out of the room and closed the door behind them. That’s when they called on the history teacher, who just so happens to be a deer farmer (we need to farm these things?) and has a tranquilizer gun.

Folks, this is exactly why every teacher needs to be armed with a tranq gun at all times.