Plan ahead to avoid holiday shipping delays

Airlines lost your heads? Next time, pack them into a carry-on bag that can fit either under your seat or in the overhead bin.
Airlines lost your heads? Next time, pack them into a carry-on bag that can fit either under your seat or in the overhead bin.

If you’re still waiting for a Christmas present to arrive in the mail, including your 18-month membership in the Head of the Month Club, then you may need to make sure it hasn’t been seized by airport officials.

A shipment of 18 fully intact human heads failed to clear customs at Chicago O’Hare International Airport. They are currently being held by the Cook County Medical Examiner’s Office until their paperwork is sorted out. Once cleared, they should make it to their intended destination, a research facility near Chicago.

Hey, at least they didn’t get delivered to the wrong address.

See Spot cost his family more than he should

If you couldn’t tell, we don’t think very highly of animals here at SeriouslyGuys. We find them vastly overrated and more trouble than they’re worth. Of course, when a pet is lost, we find offering a reward for them to be a bit ridiculous, the larger the amount the more absurd. Two thousand dollars is a lot of money for a mere cat, especially when an amount of money that large could be directed toward something slightly more useful for society. Sometimes the owner of the missing animal may even contact you, upset at a story, 3 months after a story has been posted.

Fear not crazy cat lady: you’ve been topped. A couple in Ohio lost their dog. The offer for it coming home? A paltry ten thousand dollars.

I can think of a couple places that might need the money more than anyone that found the dog, such as the Human Fund. Just make your check out to C-H-R-I-S…

Some battles bring their own benefits

We all know that this war we fight is constant, and it is dangerous. We’ve known that it wouldn’t be a short fight, but we didn’t realize that we had been fighting it for longer than we had declared. Folks, sometimes the War on Animals is fought in your pants, and we’re proud to say that’s a war we’re winning.

Thanks to advances in personal grooming over the past 20 years or so, doctors are reporting that cases of public lice are way, way down. Many doctors are reporting that they haven’t seen cases of crab-like lice in years, and they attribute it to waxing and shaving of the short and curlies, especially for women. So keep fighting, brave citizens!