MasterChugs Theater: We interrupt your normally scheduled MCT

People, I’ve been busier than I’d like and I STILL haven’t had a chance to see Zero Dark Thirty yet. This angers me greatly and unfortunately, I haven’t been able to see anything new. But, if you’re reading this when it posts (5 pm EST on Thursday, 1/24) and you’re in the Roanoke Valley area of Virginia, then I’ve got a deal for you! A good friend of mine, Rod Belcher, has now become a published author this week thanks to his debut novel, The Six-Gun Tarot. Drop by the Books-A-Million near Towne Square Shopping Center in Roanoke at 7 pm tonight and you can meet Rod, along with purchasing his new book and having him sign it! You might even get a chance to see me!

Look down to do so.

There will a new movie review next week. Thanks for your patience everyone.

Be sure to use a screen protector

Guys who wear turtlenecks swear they need an iPad to make the app work.
Guys who wear turtlenecks swear they need an iPad to make the app work.

When it comes to male genitalia, size matters. At least, it does during dick measuring contests. Or, according to the makers of a smart phone app that measures your penis, when selecting a properly sized condom.

Research by the American Sexual Health Association indicates that men who forgo wearing condoms during sex often do so because they don’t fit comfortably. This has contributed to, according to sex researchers from Indiana University, a misconception that condoms reduce sexual satisfaction in general. Ergo: using the Condom Size app from VSM Enterprises to properly appraise your penis should help you enjoy more pleasurable, safer sex.

It’s as easy as one-two-holding “your hard member straight against inches or centimeters on side screen,” and then using a piece of string for your girth measurements. (Well, that escalated rather quickly, didn’t it?)

Oh, and did we mention that you can then compare your results to men around the world to see how you measure up? So, even if you’re not conventionally big in America, you could still be huge in South and North Korea, the two countries tied for smallest on average.

[Special thanks to Jenna B. for the link!]

Judges betray humanity for goats

We often think that problems with the judicial system are reserved explicitly for the U.S. Turns out it’s not true. In Australia, animals have figured out how to work the system.

At some point last year, in some city (the story isn’t big on giving details), Gary the goat was arrested and fined A$440 for eating a city flower bed. His owner, James “Jimbo” Bazoobi, a comedian apparently somehow indebted to the goat, launched into action. He argued in court that the fine was written to the goat, and not a person, so the charge couldn’t possibly stick.

He won.