For a lot of the East Coast, it’s snowing. Like, right now. Everyone gets excited when it snows, whether or not it’s warranted. I bet snow has some sort of complex, like the most popular guy in high school. Just showing up is a cause for celebration. People wear hail because it can really hurt, so it would be the big dumb kid, and sleet would be the smaller, mouthier friend, because it doesn’t do much at all. Rain, well, rain would have to be quiet, weird kid. No one gets excited about it, most try to avoid it, and yet it’s perfect for writing depressing poetry. If you were busy raging against U.N. sanctions on your country this week, odds are you missed it.
This inauguration was dubbed over
This week, President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden were sworn in for a second term in a small ceremony. Then, they were sworn in again the next day, because that was Martin Luther King Day, and they had already gone through the trouble of setting up streamers. Obama laid out his plan for the next four years, including some ideas he had hardly mentioned before. But who cares about covering any of that stuff? The media were more concerned about whether Beyoncé lip-synched.
25 years after ‘G.I. Jane’
Defense Secretary Leon Panetta surprised the country when he announced that the military will now let service women have combat roles. They’ve been in supporting roles, but not part of outright fighting mission. For those keeping score at home, the Obama administration is now taking guns out of our hands and putting them into womens’.
Simply the Swiss
Tina Turner announced this week that she is renouncing her U.S. citizenship to become a full-time Swiss person (Swissian?). One Swiss paper has even reported that the government there has already approved her request. This is clearly another case of the world messing with Switzerland because everyone knows they won’t declare war.
Some may question President Barack Obama’s resolve to take action on unemployment, end detainment at Guantanamo Bay or reform U.S. immigration policy. But there’s one policy he’s remained consistent on for both terms: there’s only one person allowed to be fly in the White House. (She’s the one rockin’ bangs.)
A fly attempted to derail the president’s nominations to head the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau before even Republicans in the House and Senate got a chance to deny them. Obama was able to reinforce his no-fly zone with a warning swat.
During a televised interview in 2009, Obama authorized a hand strike on an insurgent fly, the first sitting president to do so against a domestic animal since Teddy Roosevelt slapped a bear for eating his son Quentin’s ice cream.
This should help silence critics who believe that the president is weak on the War on Animals, but it won’t.