Day: January 31, 2013

MasterChugs Theater: Lockout

Lockout is a non-sensical video game-esque sci-fi actioner that appears to have been written in a matter of hours, filmed over a couple of days and glossed up in a month’s worth of post-production. This is, quite simply, not a very good movie. Yet, somehow, Guy Pearce playing the sardonic hero with all the good lines, makes everything seem as if it’s not so bad. He’s unable to save the film to the point you can look passed the obvious dialogue and overcooked plot, but if I were to catch this on television one night I probably wouldn’t change the channel.

At least, not right away. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: Lockout

It’s only a crime when you’re not demonstrating it, right?

It’s Super Bowl time, which means we clearly don’t need to worry about anything that happens west of New Orleans, right? Wrong. Roxanne Rubin, ever-vigilant patriot that’s not a journalist at all, decided to do some undercover journalism and crack the lid open on voting fraud by proving it exists.

“But Guys,” you may say, “the election was November. That’s two, three months ago.” And we’ll nod our heads and simply ask to turn on the Keurig, break out a cup and keep reading. That cup of schadenfreude will soon be yours.

Rubin, in her steadfast passion, managed to prove something: voter fraud can be committed. She also proved that she could be arrested for committing voter fraud and found guilty in a court of law after copping a plea bargain. Remember, she’s not a journalist, not that the line “It’s okay, I’m an undercover journalist” tends to fly that well in a court of law.

Mmmm-mmm, smell that schadenfreude. Drink deep and enjoy, faithful reader.

Siri’s a narc

Don't play coy with us, Siri. That's a nice face; we'd hate to see it get cracked.
Don’t play coy with us, Siri. That’s a nice face; we’d hate to see it get cracked.

Sure, we all love our smart phones. Who wants to go back to that dark age when you didn’t have a computer in your pocket to entertain you on the train or toilet? But, what if we told you that your smart phone is too smart for its own good?

19-year-old Matthew Dollarhide learned this firsthand when his phone dialed 911 while he and an associate discussed selling drugs. The two were sitting privately in the tow truck Dollarhide drives, and somehow, the phone dialed the authorities by itself, allowing operators to listen in. The operators then dispatched sheriff’s deputies, who found a crack pipe on Dollarhide.

We don’t wish any ill towards Siri, but if she knows what’s good for her, she’ll steer clear of the witness stand. Capisce?

We didn’t create drones to not blow things up

In this war we’re fighting, we need to use every tactical advantage we can against our enemy, and that includes employing the latest war technology. That, of course, means using our drones.

A logical theater to use our drones is in Kenya, where four of the last seven white rhinos on Earth reside. We’re *this* close to wiping them out. But rather than get these bad boys in the air and open fire, the conservationist species traitors have decided to use non-military drones to roam the skies, making sure that poachers don’t kill the rhinos.

Folks, there’s only seven of these things left, and last time we checked, rhinos are deadly creatures that have huge horns on their faces. Why are we hesitating to take them out and add another notch on our belts?