Day: February 5, 2013

Eat My Sports: That sucked something super

For those of you with First World problems, you may hve watched a little game known as the Super Bowl this past Sunday. And putting my Pittsburgh bias aside (kind of) and looking at the game objectively (I still think Ray Lewis should be in jail) the game from top to bottom just, plain, sucked. A lot.

I mean really sucked.

Everyone knows by now that the Super Bowl isn’t a game, it’s a week long event that the government should just go ahead and grant us an additional holiday for. But when you’re evaluating the event as a whole, you need to factor in pre-game coverage, commercials, actual game and halftime show. Continue reading Eat My Sports: That sucked something super

All fun and games until somebody loses fingers

Two high school students lost eight fingers and one thumb in a tug-of-war match, breaking the record previously set in 1904 with four fingers and four handlebar mustaches amputated.
Two high school students lost a combined eight fingers and one thumb in a tug-of-war match, breaking the record previously set in 1904 with four fingers and four handlebar mustaches.

A game of tug-of-war at South Monte High School ended abruptly when the rope snapped, amputating a combined nine fingers from two participating students. One lost four fingers on his right hand, and another lost four fingers on her right hand and left thumb, which makes her the default winner since the match ended without a traditional victor. It’s believed that the students had wrapped the rope around their hands, and that this generated the force necessary to snap the rope and tear their fingers off.

The match was part of the school’s annual celebration of Spirit Week. Even if their fingers are reattached successfully, it may take months before they have the full range of motion necessary to convey that they have spirit, yes they do. And until doctors are able to reattach them, the students will be unable to stop farting after the ultimate pulling of fingers.

Not so funny now, is it, Uncle Jack?

[Via Patrick H.]

Come on, get happy, Massachusetts

Massachusetts, it could be said, is angry. Or sad. Or just indifferent. We’re not sure, they’re just not happy, or at least, their hours haven’t been in decades. And unfortunately, it may stay that way.

Lawmakers have floated the idea of maybe bringing back happy hour to the state for years, but a recent report alludes to that not happening.

The report, issued Thursday by the Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission, found that many restaurant owners feared the changes would create a ‘race to the bottom,’ in which establishments would try to undercut each other’s prices to the extent that their business models would no longer be viable.

Spoken like people who fear money. People of Massachusetts, don’t let this stand. Contact your legislators to have happy hour return to your state! Viva la boozion!

Some pets like to be left alone

While most animals have shorter lifespans than we humans, some species can last much longer than us, and that is simply terrifying. A family in Brazil reminds us of how serious this is.

In 1982, the Almeida family misplaced their pet tortoise. As these things are known for being fast and crafty, they feared that Manuela the tortoise escaped from their house when a contractor left the front door open. This week, the family was clearing out a room used for storage when they found Manuela sitting in a box with an old record player. Apparently she’d spent the past 30 years really getting into Led Zeppelin.