Day: February 7, 2013

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

I told you I’d see it eventually.

Once in a long while, a fresh-from-the-headlines movie — like All the President’s Men or United 93 — fuses journalism, procedural high drama, and the oxygenated atmosphere of a thriller into a new version of history written with lightning.

Zero Dark Thirty is that movie.

Along with that, Zero Dark Thirty is the best movie of 2012. That’s not an attempt at hyperbole. Simply put, nothing else that came out in 2012 can top this movie. It needs to be seen. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

Two fewer reasons to watch the Grammys this year

Chris Brown, who was nominated yet again this year, plans to beat up anybody who tells him to button his shirt. (So long as they're a woman or gay, of course.)
Chris Brown, who was nominated yet again this year, plans to beat up anybody who tells him to button his shirt. (So long as they’re a woman or gay, of course.)

For those who plan to watch the 55th Annual  Grammy Awards, but worry about how the artists being honored on it will offend your sensibilities, don’t you fret: CBS has got this s**t covered. And by s**t, we mean “buttock crack” and “female breast nipples.”

The broadcasting company distributed a memo to all invited attendees, advising them to keep their “buttocks and female breasts […] adequately covered.” This is best accomplished by eschewing “thong-type dresses” and outfits with “bare sides or under curvature of the breasts.” (We’re still talking about female breasts, right? Can Diddy still wear a plunging neckline?)

Viewers will have to settle for being offended by whatever the attendees say in acceptance speeches and the lyrics of their songs, instead. You know, because music is terrible now, but god forbid you find something better to watch than an awards show.

Courtesy is the most sincere form of disrespect

For all you lovers of the ladies, please note: if your significant other asks an employee for hot food, and the employee states that cold food will not be served to her, maybe, just maybe, the employee is actually giving her proper customer service and not disrespect.

Also note: bashing a fast food employee over the head with a food tray is not a good way to get a refund.