Take it from Snee: Take it down a notch, Valentine

To go with the Mahogany card I bought you, here's something chocolatey and full of cream.
To go with the Mahogany card I bought you, here’s something chocolatey and full of cream.

If you’re reading this site, then chances are that you’re trying to ignore that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you call it Single Awareness Day. Or that you’re up a creek because you forgot to buy anything and all that’s left in stores now are the Hallmark Mahogany line and Easter candy.

Relax. I’m not saying that you’re overacting or that this is somehow all your fault for not being lovable. It isn’t. Valentine’s should be a simple day of expressing care, not necessarily balls-out romantic love in the form of extravagant gifts that require feeding and walks.

So, who is to blame? These a**holes. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Take it down a notch, Valentine

The Eyeore’s tail of penises

After mating, the Goniobranchus reticulata sea slug runs home to put his disembodied penis under his pillow for the Penis Fairy.
After mating, the Goniobranchus reticulata sea slug runs home to put his disembodied penis under his pillow for the Penis Fairy.

If you want to know why we’re losing the War on Animals … Don’t look at us that way. It only looks like all the animals are gone because it’s winter. Come March, and you’ll see that they were just lying in wait for bikini season.

Anyway, if you want to know why we’re losing the War on Animals, it’s because we’re not willing to evolve more creatively. Take, for example, the Goniobranchus reticulata species of sea slug.

Honesty time: we’ve all mated with someone and felt oogy about it afterward. While we mere humans must live in shame, G. reticulata severs off its penis after mating and grows a new (and unoffending) one.

Guys, if sea slugs can solve the “Smell Yo Dick” test before us, what hope do we have as a species?

The snakes seem to have won this time

It’s all over, folks. After a month of sloshing around and hacking at random branches, Florida’s 2013 Python Hunt has come to a close. You remember, the big event where just about anyone could go into the Everglades and kill as many Burmese pythons as they want?

According to the Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission, in all, only about 50 of the beasts were taken, even though there are thousands of them estimated to be slithering around and eating anything they can. It will provide a lot of data for scientists, but it sure seems like a disappointment.

The problem is that the program is flawed. Why limit it to just one month, especially during the time of year when it’s coldest and reptiles are typically less active? We need to make this a year-long event. Whoever turns in the most pythons by year’s end wins!