Day: February 18, 2013

The McBournie Minute: The dogs make Alec Baldwin do it

It’s a terrible thing when a popular TV show ends, provided it hasn’t stayed on the air three seasons longer than necessary, which is an American tradition. So when “30 Rock” went off the air a couple weeks ago, there was lamentation and general gnashing of teeth. It was very sad.

But the loss can be especially felt by the show’s stars, who suddenly find themselves with a lot more free time with which they can spend all that hard-earned cash they’ve built up. We all worry about what Tina Fey will do left to her own devices, or even how much fatter Tracy Morgan will get.

But we all knew that it would be Alec “Words with Friends” Baldwin to get things kicked off. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The dogs make Alec Baldwin do it

Cookies crushed, not put to good use

Get us every resource available! The FBI! The CIA! Homeland Security! Mandy Patinkin, Tommy Lee Jones, even Boss Hogg! A great and terrible crime has been committed:

More than 13,000 Girl Scout cookies, not even close to expiration, were sent to a landfill.

Both we and our stomachs shed tears over this. The Guys say let not a single penny go to waste over this. Find the monster that committed this atrocity!

In the war for a buzz, an important battle has been won

Affordable health care? Improving public education? Bah, those are unimportant things we’ll get around to fixing. But threaten to lower the alcohol content in Maker’s Mark, and America will fight you.

Last week, Maker’s Mark, makers of Maker’s Mark bourbon, said it would be temporarily diluting its product from 90 to 84 proof in order to keep up with soaring demand. That’s when the people fought back.

Even though the dilution was promised not to affect the taste, drinkers took to the internet, demanding their hootch stay at the same level. On Sunday, Maker’s Mark announced that they scuttled plans to dilute any more bottles.

Let’s stagger on to Jack Daniel’s, citizens!

Give your TV a Viking funeral

"Well, there's your problem: too much excitement."
“Well, there’s your problem: too much excitement.”

If you thought American public television was boring, no matter how many Dowtons they Abbey, then you haven’t seen boredom. No, for true, mind-numbing hours of marathon paint-peeling, you’ll have to go to Norway.

As a follow-up to their highly rated (no, really) continuous, uninterrupted eight hours on a train and then the sequel, 134 hours on a cruise ship, Norway changed things up on Friday by airing 12 hours of a wood-burning fireplace.

And like PBS’s 11-and-a-half hours long Civil War, the fire is based on a book, Norwegian bestseller Hel Ved, which its publisher claims outsold Fifty Shades of Grey this holiday season. We don’t know if there were slow pans and zooms onto certain flames, but there was narration from “firewood specialists providing color commentary” on “burning, slicing and stacking the wood,”  along with “music and poems.”

It’s enough to make you wish they still made wood-paneled television sets.