Eat My Sports: MJ is 50, and I still don’t care

Thanks ESPN, for letting the whole world know of a big secret this past week, that Michael Jordan turned 50. Yes, without you we would not have had a week long lovefest on every single one of your stations that just sucked up to him and, oh, by the way ignored the pretty obvious glaring truths that he has failed miserably at everything since 1998, is a compulsive gambler (a quality that may or may not have played a part in his father’s death) and was responsible for “Space Jam,” a film that took place on Earth, not in space.

My issue is not with that MJ had coverage from ESPN, but ESPN has become so diluted, and so living in fear of the athlete, that it now fails to cover the bad parts along with the good. Jordan was a once in a lifetime, iconic athlete who started the phase of an athlete being a marketable celebrity. Go to any country in the world, some kid on every street is wearing his shoes. Show the Air Jordan silhouette, everyone knows what it is. But Jordan had big time, glaring flaws, that ended up being detriments to himself, his teams and his family. Continue reading Eat My Sports: MJ is 50, and I still don’t care

Dead bears do Knut wear plaid

Even though he's dead, Knut can still unwrap human bratwursts with his lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes.
Even though he’s dead, Knut can still unwrap human bratwursts with his lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.

Knut, the German polar bear, is back from the dead! His taxidermied corpse is now blocking the entrance to the Berlin natural history museum, menacing all who dare learn about trilobites, ancient arrowheads or whatever Germans dig up in their backyards. (Traces of the camps where they eliminated all of the ancient Neanderthals?)

We warned you, Germany. When Knut’s mother abandoned him, we told you he was no good. When he turned on children, we told you it was too late to put the monster back in its cage. When he became a prima donna and wouldn’t perform his two shows daily, we told you that it was time to put him on an ice flow. And now that he’s dead, we told you to leave him be.

Sometimes dead is better.

It’s not a celebration until you level your house

Ever wonder what people do when they win the lottery? Turns out they do exactly what you think they will — plus blow up their house.

In Kansas, two brothers won $75,000 from the lottery and decided to celebrate by buying some crystal meth and marijuana. Apparently, during their party session, one of the brothers went to refill a butane lighter for their bongs and ended up leaking a significant amount of it into the air. All that gas found its way to the furnace pilot light, and suddenly, the lucky brothers didn’t have that pesky house to worry about anymore.

The one brother was taken to the hospital, wearing his lottery T-shirt, and treated for burns, while the other was uninjured and simply surrendered to authorities.