Eat My Sports: Cautiously optimistic

Last year I called fellow Guy and Red Sox enthusiast, Bryan McBournie in the middle of February. Normally I take on the reporting of pitchers and catchers as the return of baeball, and the kickoff of eight months of Red Sox games. This time, I didn’t care. I actually called my shot in December of 2011, after the Red Sox hired Bobby Valentine, and said it would be a disaster, but when I called McBournie I said “I don’t even want to watch a single game this year, it’s going to be bad dude, really bad.” It was then noted that this was the earliest I had ever given up on the Red Sox, and regrettably, I was right.

After the fried chicken and beer incident coupled with the worst September collapse in baseball history, the Sox could only do one thing to make things worse, hire Valentine. So, to prolong the misery, and remind Sox’ fans of what being a self-loathing baseball fan means, ownership brought in the one guy that could make things worse, traded off the guy we spent three years trying to acquire (Adrian Gonzalez), ran off or home grown All-Star and pissed him off enough to sign with our hated rival (Kevin Youkilis) and dumped the one pitcher on the roster that could still deliver a above-90mph fastball (Josh Beckett). So why watch? I couldn’t, every day I would recap our latest daily disaster on ESPN.com and just hoped that the season would end, the Yankees wouldn’t win and somehow Alex Rodriguez would get busted for something. Consider my 2012 season as a baseball fan 3-3 on that account. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Cautiously optimistic

We’ll be holy see-ing you

Pope Benedict XVI is only the second pope in history to hand over his ruby loafers without being crushed by a house first.
Pope Benedict XVI is only the second pope in history to hand over his ruby loafers without being first crushed by a house.

This Wednesday marks Pope Benedict XVI’s last day on the job. The Guys are taking this a little personally, especially when you consider that we never expected to cover a pontiff’s entire term on a Web site.

But, we’re not the only ones experiencing loss. The outgoing Pope will lose his house, Latin decoder ring, fancy red shoes and his current title. He will, however, become our Pope Emeritus, which in a patriarchal faith like Catholicism means that we’ll have a new Pope and our old Pope that we have to spend every other weekend with at his new, less furnished apartment. (This is why Catholicism frowns on divorce and living ex-popes.)

The important thing here is to not think of this as the end, but as a new beginning. Plus: dude, two Christmases!

Take a stroll down memory lane with the four biggest Benedictheads: Continue reading We’ll be holy see-ing you

Philly home of brotherly love, horsey food

You might’ve heard of the news regarding horse meat being found in beef. Grocery stores, delicatessens, fast food joints and restaurants all over the nation have become indignant in their desire for all-beef beef. The furor has even been global, with celebrities and restaurants all around the world (though not as much in France) wanting their Grade-A to be sans-Mr. Ed.

Not so much at Monsu. The fine dining restaurant located in Philadelphia has decided to put the Lone Ranger’s trusty friend (no, not Tonto) onto the menu. Chefs there tasted it on a trip to Italy and thought it’d be a fine addition to what’s already served, and when a ban on slaughtering the equine beasts for human consumption was lifted in the States two years ago, they were the first out of the gate!

How do the Guys feel about it? Eh. We’re not exactly against. In this war, any kind of tactic that assists our troops while decimating their troops can’t be all bad, right?

Why you should care about the health of otters

You guys, we need to clean up the environment like right now. It all has to do with the health of otter penises.

According to a recent study by the Cardiff University Otter Project, otter male organs are shrinking as a direct result of pollution. The otters, however, insisted it was just that the water was cold.

Now, this blog isn’t one to give a rat’s ass about an otter’s penis, but scientists are worried the same could happen to human male dudes. The theory is that the more chemicals that get into the water and air, the more wildlife consume, and some of those chemicals are affecting their bodies in bad ways. That means the same could happen to us.

For the record, pollution has yet to affect The Guys, since we flush the bad chemicals from our bodies with alcohol.